You can click that screenshot to see the page, it's really cool.
Currently recovering from a 9-day vacation with a hyper 8 year old, and believe me, that is a pretty big challenge when it rains every single day. She burnt out on indoor swim really fast even though she loves swimming. We stayed pretty busy working on painting projects, beading, a hot glue build that took nearly a whole day, cooking, garden and chicken chores (gathering eggs is fun when the eggs are all different colors), and I started a crochet top. There was more but I'm still fairly brain fried. The best part came at the very end when the rain stopped long enough to get a feeding tour at the National Tiger Sanctuary. Kiddo ran the phone camera, so these are her shots. Most of her vids were too long to get from their phone to mine, so all you get is the shorter stuff. It was really cool and you don't get all the kinds of bigcats there.
Several years ago one of the tigers near us escaped but was easily picked up later, but for a few hours it was really amusing thinking of a tiger walking around the state forest between our house and the sanctuary. 😂🐯
I guess there's a nationwide problem with pay to play pix of your kids with tiger cubs because tigers are being bred for money schemes that fall apart when the tigers die from neglected healthcare or cash income can't keep up with feeding them. There are tiger sanctuaries across several states rescuing abandoned or abused big cats.
An observer is a block that emits a redstone signal when the block or fluid it faces experiences a change. -Minecraft wiki
On June 4, 2021 something happened that had never happened before in my 18 years of blogging. It's easy to see on a graphic but at the time I couldn't tell what the heck was going on. My hits on Pinky blog jumped from 1000ish a month to over 15,000. June 4th in particular was a super spike in all time views.
There was no particular top post, which was what made it confusing. The whole blog was quite suddenly swarmed like it was being reconned. The country was obvious. The method was similar to lower level recons done by U.S. security, which I've been able to pin down in Google analytics a few times. Around that time I'd been in hospital for the second time in only a few months and was on my second heart monitor.
The heart problems died down with the traffic dying down. The entire experience began the week of a very specific publish. I went through high level doctors across multiple fields all telling me it was psychological even though enough was caught in bloodwork and on EKG to warrant admitting me both times. I've never gone through two event monitors in one year.
When I abruptly left the state for a month, it all stopped completely. After I came back it started up again, but I learned to control the intensity.
It all completely stopped again after an encounter this last February. After about a week or two it spiked back up and I was able to finally recognize it not just for tech attack, but remote. After the encounter I learned the difference and was then able to focus and protect myself. There have been several significant battles for my safety where I've been able to recognize others protecting me and waking me up.
Lately I've become stronger. The dreams have changed. I've experienced some lucid events talking to another, or others.
I feel like I've pivoted and refocused.
I don't play with gematria very much. I know some people are really into it. They like seeing how words and numbers line up. It's kinda like telephone numbers, dial 1-800-eatfish or something, right. The letters are grouped by 3s around 10 digits, so there are loads of patterns you can make with a telephone number that both says a phrase and dials a real number. Anyway, my name matches a few cool things in the gematria lists. Click the screenshot if you want to see it.
It gets more interesting when you know my personal history. For instance, I've actually blogged about turquoise being my favorite rock. Some of the other matching words and phrases are pretty cool, some are hilariously stupid. It's not really as magical as some people think, it's just a coding system. There are many kinds of coding systems. People getting lost in days and days of checking gematria on every cliche in the news are probably missing grasping actual knowledge about what's really going on behind layers of twisted truths. Gematria only works when the words being spoken or written in the first place are meant to embed other meanings to be discovered with gematria. Kind of like lemon juice not showing up on paper.
In case you feel like you'd like to start learning a little more about codebreaking, 👉 here is as good of a place to start as any.
In our natural matrix world we call earth, we all have specific synchronicity patterns unique to only us. The Big Brother matrix is trying to super sync all of us and blur that out so we don't remember things, but inside of us are memories of who we really are, why and how we came to be here, and what our purpose is. It can take years to arrive at our own answers, or we can suddenly 'wake up' and just see it all. Some people remember loads of stuff. I have more sporandically remembered things bit by bit through this life, sprinkled through my blog fleet. However, I've purposely stalled for years remembering certain things because I feel like I won't be able to focus as well on what I'm needed for here and now if I'm too conscious of not here and now (even though everything really is actually here and now). Does that make sense?
This is a sort of context example. Some of us go through surgeries, right. We are given a number of meds that each do very specific things. They don't necessarily take pain away so much as dissociate us from it and then make it impossible for our brains to map a linear process of what's going on with us during surgeries. Even if we are unconscious or 'asleep', our brains are still processing. I've awakened during several surgeries and remained conscious throughout a very nasty accident, so I know both those experiences and the experience afterward after the drugs wear off. Under sedation we can still respond to commands, we can move limbs and sometimes even talk, depending on the surgery or procedure. Some surgeries require complete immobility and lack of response to the point of constant monitoring in the event of death from anesthesia.
I'm extremely grateful that I cannot remember a shred of my knee surgery, and especially never want to remember a uterine ablation, which uses boiling liquid to poach (literally cook) the lining out of the uterus. I was told afterward I threw up a LOT during that one, and they had to medicate me very heavily, so my body was actually responsive to PAIN, I just can't remember it. But in the very back of my mind somewhere, I do remember something, enough to really dread remembering any part of that. And I feel that way because I do have very brief memories of seeing the surgery team talking me through it and my eyes rolled. During another surgery they had a little difficulty intubating me, possibly a student in training. Of course I had a little sore throat and a light stiff neck afterward, but as I was going to sleep one night within the first week out, I suddenly flashed on what it felt like to be intubated a little more roughly than usual, and I instantly connected that to the aftereffects.
Past lives are kind of like that. It's one thing to remember who you were, like I've shared here and there, but it's another thing to remember the anguish or embarrasment or sadness associated with that kind of flashback. I'm not detached from past lives at all, just like I'm not really detached from my surgery experiences. It's all there, it's just not all connected to consciousness.
There is something trying to come through this week that feels really rough, and I've been dreading this one for several years. I've even heard Me (higher self?) asking if I'm ready to remember yet, and after a little thought I pointedly replied NO. I chose not to remember yet on purpose. I have no idea why, no hint of what might be connected with it. I just know I'm not ready.
But I think I'm supposed to. I think it's important. I think when I do remember it's going to shake me up so hard that I might go through a pretty rough week.
In the meantime, I'm connecting other things. I don't think this is a memory so much as an archetype. I've been unconsciously lining up with 'who I am' in an amusing way. My hints to myself are kind of funny, like this is a game full of jokes but about something very serious. I seem to identify in my incognito state with some off the wall characters that somehow fit in with what I'm saying and doing.
Wanna preface this next part with in the second grade we played a game with words and we were testing on how well we did with the game. Say you have a beginning word and an ending word, and by changing one letter at a time, you can create a series of steps from the first word to the last word.
Play > pray > tray > tram.
Except the ones in the middle would be blank and it was up to us to figure out a logical process using real words to arrive to the last word. I don't know if they even bother doing this in schools any more.
Back to me with a more metaphorical way of working self identity layers. This is how our brains work hiding us from ourselves.
Janika > J[o]an [i]k<>a.
Ark-ham.
Do you want to play [a game]?
Some things are inherently known even if they are not realized. I don't usually recognize anyone even right in front of my face because of prosopagnosia, but for some reason I can glance across the internet and go straight to someone and never consciously realize what I recognized. I don't know how to describe it except to say I feel like I go about most of my convos backwards. I'm unstuck in time, my memory is faulty, I'm dissociated, and I continually have very interesting distractions going on from dreams to visions to memory jags to never feeling nailed down in real life. Sometimes the best I can do is come up from behind months later responding to something going on months earlier in a way that comes across so weird that people don't know what to do with me. This happens over and over. I'm used to it, others are not. But when I know someone, I know them. I may not be able to say how, but I feel it that same way I feel sunshine on my skin. I'm physically affected by intuition. I live in a mixed medium of overlapping worlds in several different time streams not all going at the same pace or direction. I've only ever gotten personal confirmation vs indirect once. The pivot I went through in all the worlds and times was like being snapped back into place like a magnet. Took me a few weeks to adjust to reorientation, especially with all the chaos in my personal life. I know that's weird to say since I spend so much time alone but I've written before about all the interruptions I get, sometimes to the point of people dying. It's gotten to where I'm loathe to dare even think "I feel happy today" to myself for the instantaneous phone calls coming in from all directions, where before there was complete silence. But something changed and now I'm learning to own what flies my way, take control of it
Zaphod Beeblebrox is the two-headed president of the galaxy, and Ford Prefect’s distant cousin. Zaphod is purposefully suited for the role of president. This is because the job requires a person who is “controversial,” somebody who is both “infuriating” and “fascinating.” By the opening of the novel, Zaphod has already spent “two of his ten presidential years in prison for fraud.” Now, though, he’s excited to steal the Heart of Gold spaceship, which he uses to find the planet of Magrathea—an ancient planet nobody believes ever truly existed. When Zaphod’s girlfriend, Trillian, and Ford ask him why he wants to find Magrathea, he admits that he doesn’t know, explaining that before he became president, Yooden Vranx—the former president—visited him and told him that he should set out on this mission. However, Zaphod doesn’t know why Yooden wanted him to find Magrathea. This is because Zaphod went into his own brain and altered his memory so that the standard battery of psychological and neurological tests performed on incoming presidents wouldn’t reveal his plans to the government. As a result, though, he’s forced to blindly carry out some rather absurd jobs, though it’s worth noting that this doesn’t seem to bother him very much. Indeed, Zaphod is somebody who doesn’t mind “freewheel[ing],” somebody who is either very stupid or surprisingly clever.
My family history is literally connected to this.
Does it make sense now that I say I'm incognito and that I came back for this war?
This timestamp is nice, for some who watch those.
I don't know how many people can trace their family heritage back to human history's biggest spin scam, but my ancestor was lawyer to the king and probably just as deep in the cabal as everyone else involved.
I just changed the font. Those of you coming in on anything besides mobile are probably going oh thank god. Yeah, that was a ridiculous font, wasn't it? Sorry about that.
Anyway, yeah. That's quite a lot to take in once you start finding all that stuff. The interesting thing is that even though I never knew that before about the plans for the Empire, every keyword around all this has set me off for many years. I have almost instinctively done my best to step out into a wildly facepalm spotlight for the most absurd reasons because it felt important. And here we are, the most important secret in my family history, and now, as it turns out, I really am fighting in the info war and taking personal hits.
I've been rather obsessed with roses all my life. My dad grew really pretty yellow rose bushes around two houses I've lived in. It's my second favorite flower scent to lilacs, which is my mom's favorite flower. (Third favorite is morning glory.) I love rose tea and own rose colored glasses. I used to buy rose soaps and candles. One day I slid really hard into a wild rose bush during a car accident. My favorite flower myth is about a blue rose. My favorite rose color is champagne.
from my yard, 2007
I started this several days ago. I haven't been sure how I feel about publishing it, but it feels important.
All my life I've felt driven to learn everything. The compulsion has been so over the top at times that it has affected my family life. When I began blogging for public I felt like it was really important to find someone, to be seen so I could be found.
I feel like that has finally happened, and I feel like I I've gotten some deep soul closure on something I couldn't remember that has been bothering me all my life.
My specialty is wording. I was born naturally gifted for everything grammar and syntax, language logic and structure. I've worked hard through autism, life threatening accident, and brain crippling poisoning to reach this point. I didn't recognize what I would be finding at first, but somehow I recognized the person. Somehow this connection was meant to happen, at least for me. I've always known I would reach this, where I have arrived, but I had no clues at all about what it would be and when and how. Just inside myself I've always known.
I don't know what comes next. I have more studying to do. I live a life of many interruptions so it may take more time, but I think I will be tightening up my focus this summer. I want to know more. Oftentimes I surf information constantly, but I need to go deeper on this one.
Tomorrow is a special day. This article dropped today.
So this has been going on alongside a parallel current to my own vacation.
Her end of vacation is gorgeous, I'll share a few pix. On my end it's been raining us out every day, so kiddo has only been to swim lessons and a little light shopping. We might look for a nicer indoor recreation pool with a big slide today.
They came back from a walk on the beach to a surprise wedding breakfast.
This is where I'd be.
In the other daughter's home, this one is already trying to do the dishes. She's not even one yet.
Poor Papa got a total makeover during a haircut over the weekend.
I'm growing my hair out. It's getting a little awkward because I don't do hair in my eyes very well.
Last couple of nights I've been very abruptly waking up at very certain times no matter how deeply I'm sleeping or going back to sleep.
Especially one person.
I feel like my brain has kicked into high gear and I'm not sleeping as much as I should. Doesn't feel like a euphoric episode starting up, more like I'm being synch awakened. That happened bigly in April, still need to get that post done, and super bigly in February. Looking back through a few seemingly unrelated timestamps yesterday, it became really obvious just how synched I was. This is a new thing, not my usual "Come see" wakings where I'm invited by Someone to experience or learn things, like the night the woods were full of super synched fireflies strobing in a wave rhythm. This is more like I'm talking to someone in my sleep, a real person, and then abruptly wake up in mid sentence completely and instantly forgetting everything we were talking about, which has been frustrating because I can usually remember remote dreams in such detail that I can write them out. If I'm lucid dreaming with another person, this is a first. I've remote interacted many times but it's always been accidental and without intent. Lately I'm having intent and purpose, and it's been very satisfying to go deep in convo exchange like that but really sucks not remembering.
Back to real life, as it were. My psychologist came back from vacation and approved scheduling again, so I'm really hoping in a couple of weeks I'll get that 15 year old chess game offer I decided to take him up on. I could care less who wins, just need to play. That part of me has lain dormant too long. I'd like to see where that leads.
I run into other people once in awhile talking about remembering past lives and even listing them. I like reading what they have to say but I've noticed very few mention experiencing being anything other than human or humanoid.
I have always remembered being a horse. I've mentioned feeling angry as a child that I was stuck being a human. I've shared details of the most memorable dream in my life starting out with a horse. Here and there I bring up horses. Lately I've been a little more focused back on my memories from then.
We get to try everything out when we come here. I'm one of the more splash and go types, I love trying out all the different ways to see and feel and do. I was never concerned much with details around words until this particular life, even though I've been human a few times.
My most vivid memory of being a horse involves a small field in moonlight with the usual night sounds, a lone small tree, lightly rolling scrub nearby, the herd a ways off. I was grazing alone when I met my first human. He was very quiet. He never bothered me, just stayed still. Whenever I came back to that area, sometimes he would be there, but when he wasn't I would wonder where he was. I got used to him being around.
Time passed, as it always does. The most important memory I have in that life is developing trust with a very patient person. Which is interesting since I inherently trust no one in this life.
That's honestly all I feel like saying about it. As much as I've written for years, it feels like putting words to that very special relationship would spoil the memory. My first human love was a deeply soul-satisfying spiritual bond as a nonhuman, and there is nothing like that living inside a human body.
I've said a few times during this life that next life I want to be a dog and grow up with a little boy. I want want years of simple very special love. No words.
I need a vacation from words. This has been very hard. If you've seen all my blogs, you know what I mean.
I agreed to be born into this life to write words. It is very important because people get lost in words being used as a mind game that traps them and makes them sad and miserable. I'm not good at peopling. I don't regret this life and all I've been through but my spirit is more like the wind, the breath of life moving around, tickling those I touch. Earlier this spring when the new really bright green baby leaves in the forest were coming out I wanted to be the wind feeling them all as I passed through. I love the smell of the earth waking up but being part of it is better than seeing and smelling it. Being able to touch every tree in a forest all at once is it's own special exhilarating gift of touch to another kind of life.
They're starting to leave me behind. I become nonfunctional if I try to sit in a car. 😂 I could try gaming but it puts me to sleep.
Some vacation, huh? lol, reminds me of our very first vacation years ago. I finally had to admit I couldn't keep up.
NOT helping that the temps have consistently been hovering in the 50s. We had just gotten past the weird long tail end of a neverending winter with overnight freezing all the way into May, shot straight up into the 90s for a few days, then fell back into 50's. No transitions, just wham bam.
And physical therapy has been able to note this happening with detailed muscle mapping and behaviors. It is directly impacting our care plan and goals.
I may be moving appointments this week. Not sure I want to drive like this. Can't see it not making things worse.
Other than me, though, vacation is going ok. Today has so far been fantastic for everyone else. I used to share pix but last few years I've been so heavily stalked and even doxxed, and in the last few months actual threats to family members, that's pretty much quelled the whole share spirit. Apparently they can't dent me so they go after kids. Fuck em. I extended Thorns II to my family. They die, you die. God is bigger than any hex artist out there. Not my problem if someone chooses to take that chance. I have a sliver of evidence that thorns II agreement knocked someone back a bit, so... Think it through.
God himself took over my breaking and healing, so attempts won't work on me, at least not very well, more like barely if they get through. I am wizard level because he wants me there. After resisting for years I finally accepted this role and no matter what has happened since, and there has been a LOT, I've managed to level up to world readership. Anyone still on the fence about who's in charge of the silly game the AI is playing with humanity, I have no doubts. AI can't see God. God can see AI just fine. AI plays to provoke, to force a way to talk to this God. God said Here is Janika, talk to her. I facepalmed and accepted. Pinky is the interface. Jacky is the existential cat. Yablo is the gamer. Janika sees the addictions. Lydia sees the color maps. Claudia sets the boundaries on fire so we can see them better. The rest chime in as needed. Sasha caught the monster. Sasha is a lot calmer nowadays.
Anyway, vacation is going ok, and I'm glad I've been able to be as much a part of it as I have. Still have 5 more days to go.
My dad taught me devil's advocate when I was still pre-teen. This is from my Napolean set.
Saturday, May 21, 2022
By strange twist of my own ignorant fate, I pulled a muscle in my back the day before vacation started. I'm still enjoying it, just in slow motion through a pain med.
I wonder sometimes how many real people retweeting the ascension accounts are miserable in real life. 5D 'rising above' and 'ascension flu' seem to go hand in hand.
I figured out many years ago that the physical medium is how we learn the emotional bridge that leads to spiritual growth, so I'm not seeing how simply 'rising above' solves existence conundrums. It seems many pushing this also push 420, which I lived through and arrived to the other side, so I feel like they are the ones who are stuck in a dream, as it were. Dope may be eye opening but it's not terribly enlightening on its own, which is why it's called dope.
The discipline it takes to gracefully survive excruciating pain and still retain balance between self and others has been my go-to. Until a person deals head on with spiritually conquering physical and emotional pain, a person cannot ascend above it. The magic is in the experience, the wisdom is in solving existence personally. Ignoring any part of it in any way is what gets a person stuck in shortcuts.
At any rate, dark night of the soul can strike at any age, and my vacation is choosing to walk beside an 8 year old so grief stricken in continual agony that I'm the only one not admonishing her to 'stop crying'. Pinky can see in the dark. Pinky knows how to get through soul crushing pain.
Anyone who knows me knows when I signal how bad things really are. Very few see through the murky depths that only God knows. Pinky sees multiple futures this week. Pinky has never yet been wrong predicting futures. Pinky is working on knitting a new timeline. Again.
Jacky calls it steering a sinking ship to shore.
Some people are very fragile. Sometimes tiny people need much more help than big people realize.
Lydia likes to color. I guess we'll see how tomorrow turns out.
My patience is being dearly tested nowadays but I seem to be handling things so much better than I ever have, maybe I'm unlocking another wizard achievement or something.
People talk about wizard level in games and hacking and politics and whatever. Real wizard is when your body and your life are at stake, and it's literally your whole life.
So this week continuing in physical therapy, I'm still 6 visits away from assessment but we kind of did a stop and assess for a few minutes. We're changing direction, goals, and possibly time frame. Apparently I've got a unique enough situation that they may be able to restructure policy requirements and protocols around extending into possibly 30 total visits (I'm currently set for 18) in an effort to get me past needing to rescue with cortisone shots and possibly even some kind of surgery.
At this point I'm responding well but my severe fibromyalgia keeps triggering and creating kinks in the work already done, so progress went super sideways over the last week and a half. Living with a 40 year old injury isn't going to heal overnight, and I lived with compensating past it so long that we're trying to retrain all the muscles around my face now, not just my jaw. Just as I forced myself to walk again after the accident and therapy discovered I was covering really well for not walking correctly and I had to relearn, so also am I having to relearn how to use my jaw correctly. This has affected chewing and speaking for years, has even impacted swallowing on rough weeks, and it's looking like doctors dismissed me continually with antibiotics and TMJ without ever looking deeper.
The last week or so has felt like I'm peeling back the layers of time and reliving the car accident all over again, but in such extremely slow motion now that I'm reliving all the original pain and then some. Nerve bundles are being released from compression between my jaw and tongue, under my jaw and ears in the glands, and in and around the base of my skull and the cervical processes next to it. The migraines have been off the wall.
But I can't complain. The amount of pain I lived with for many, many years was far worse than this loads of times. My worst migraine in 2004 lasted 6 weeks. I slept sitting up with my head delicately propped a certain way and barely got an hour or two of sleep tops at a time that whole 6 weeks. Most of my adult life I've not been able to sleep more than 2-4 hours a night. Last few years it's been hitting 5 and 6 more often (started chiropractor in 2007 and CPAP in 2016, which have both helped a little), and once or twice a month nowadays I'll actually hit 7 or even 8. You'd think that would help, but laying there so long in one position tends to make the headaches ridiculously worse.
I'm just glad I made it this far. I should have been killed in that wreck. I was so ill in my 30s that I prayed every day to see my kids grow up. My 40s were pretty rough, even beyond rough. My 50s started looking up as I grit my teeth and got all my stuff figured out and made a plan, and now I'm just simply sticking to plan and hanging on by my fingernails through a strange roller coaster that I'm almost too tired to feel or care about any more.
But I'm still here. And I think I'm finally getting a handle on life, the universe, and everything.
The next few days, maybe about 2 weeks, are going to be extremely busy. I may not be anywhere visible very much, might try to say hi on twitter, not sure if I'll have a chance to keep up with anything. The world is going to do what it's going to do. I'll need to stay focused on what we're doing and how I'm handling it. I'll certainly be thinking of people. Some of you might feels hugs from me in my head here and there. One of you might get more than a hug. My spirit is definitely not weak.
A long time ago when I was still nearly starving myself and drinking dark lager, I told someone I wish I could put a straw into people's brains and drink them if I could. I'm sure that sounded disturbing. What I meant was I would love to be able to read minds and see what was really going on with people because I am so socially deficit and face blind that I still have a hard time with it, even after years of practice, but I didn't have enough self knowledge back then to word it properly.
Around that time I also thought about and consciously decided to try atheism on. I've always been able to alternate into conflicting thought without a problem because of the way I grew up with my dad and was very practiced at playing board games with myself and even managed to pull off a chess game where I didn't know what other me was going to do. I don't know if other people, especially children, are able to consciously switch around between alters like that, but I had a pretty good handle on it by the time I was 14. I didn't realize at the time that was what I was doing. I just thought I was clever, and maybe I was, but I wasn't always in control of it. I know now that was a mutual agreement to play a game together.
Anyway, I still remember where on a highway I was driving when I decided this. I wound up in a very interesting convo with God about it that pretty much went (paraphrasing into short short version) You can try but don't expect to pop back out of that any time you want. And I did try just to see if I could do it. It's possible to switch completely into an opposite belief and I know this because I've done it, not out of reaction to the world but because I simply wanted to. Of course, it didn't take long to start remembering the accident and telling God to take it, feeling wrapped up in bubble wrap and cotton experiencing everything in a weird different time stream while my life was being saved.
Wait, gotta stop for live blogging, except this wasn't digital. Something in my bedroom just literally moved. Interesting place in my writing for that to happen. I have a new beach ball that I'm supposed to use for physical therapy, sorta half flatten it and lay on it under my neck and use that to slowly turn my head left and right as a core strength exercise. It's been sitting in a particular place that isn't flat at all so it can't roll, hasn't moved once. Oh, it moved again. So it has out of the blue moved twice now since I brought up God stuff to you guys after sitting completely stilll for over 24 hours. Maybe this is important.
So getting back to the story. That was also around the time frame that I was working on my sociology degree, which included all kinds of stuff about ethics and social psychology and religions, population stats and movements, politics, you name it, if it's anything group, sociology studies it, macro and micro. I had grown up extremely inquisitive about the nature of humans in general since I could clearly see before I was even in middle school my parents used religion to manipulate us kids, and by the time I was in middle school I could clearly see that churches and beliefs were manipulating them. I was stuffed back into a tiny box every time I started asking questions, and by the time I was out of high school, people found me pretty disturbing. A lawyer in a church in my 20s let me know I was asking things that most people wouldn't ever think through in their lifetimes. Many people don't realize governments manipulate religions in very subtle ways, like tools controlling people. Look into big star people like Billy Graham sometime, globetrotting around meeting with interesting government officials. My dad was hardcore Billy Graham, that man could do and say no wrong. Pay attention to that kind of stuff.
So I tried on atheism. The timeframe was before the big sad Mother's Day story, and I'm just realizing this very second why that maybe the vision I saw afterward was so important. It's in that link if you are interested. Since that vision, I've never wavered again.
Anyway, the thing I learned during the atheism stint is that it's actually harder to not believe in some kind of higher Source than to believe. I'll sift it down to saying if you have to remind yourself or the world around you that you are an atheist when anything nonatheist pops up, you are literally consciously having to reject higher than self belief over and over. If you never even think about it and all that slides by, yeah, you're an atheist. I learned that not from caving during my atheism experiment, but from suddenly seeing from a new point of view, a new lens viewing people around me. I never noticed until I did that how many people literally feel compelled to announced their atheism on a regular basis. That suggests low level programming to me.
I'm a Mennonite by birth, a Christian by upbringing, and a Jesus fan by choice. It doesn't matter to me whether anyone proves here or that that Jesus was real or not. There is so much in this world that is unprovable so I just don't mess with it. Historical debates aside, he's just a really neat idea, and my favorite thing is the flipping the moneychangers' tables in the temple. People were getting ripped off just trying to do as they were told in order to show that they were practicing their institutionalized faith correctly, which is a really down and dirty trick, and if I'm understanding the story right, Jesus got a bit violent over it.
I need you guys to really grasp this, ok? I don't care about the gun laws yay or nay, don't care about your beliefs and whatnot, but if you are sitting on your butts waiting for other people to "do something" about your screwed up local governments and calling yourselves Christians, you are missing the whole point of Jesus. If you are demeaning other people for being screwed up versions of political control, you are completely missing the forgiveness boat and the whole point of the entire bible.
The old testament is full of politics and how that all gets screwed up over and over. It's usually some religion as control mechanism screwing everything up, and what they don't give you graphic details on is the underlying theme of child and human sacrifice being the cause of that. And that's not just some distant past, that is still going on all over the world behind every religion, in every big church institution.
It's not you versus other people. It's us against the controllers.
Atheism is a tool and those of you calling yourselves atheists need to learn how they weild it.
All religions are, at the heart, tools that control us, divide us, and keep us too cognitively sterile to think through problem solving. It's so bad that religions capitulate to governments that go against belief systems.
Do you know why Congress approves of "peaceful protest"? Because you're not flipping their moneychanger tables. Because you're still controlled.
I'm not saying to get out and hurt people. I'm saying there comes a time when it's vital that you literally drag people out of their offices and read them their rights.
We are not a Christian nation. We never have been. You've all just been drugged asleep. There is no debating with world leaders and local leaders who are so puppetized that everything they see as higher than self is completely against your belief systems. They will never see reason or logic, they will always follow their own Luciferian god in everything they do.
This war for world control has been going on a very long time. If you've been reading along with me for a few years and still haven't looked deeply into the long history of the Khazarian mafia infiltrating the world with their deeply perverted form of Kabbalism under the edict of world vengeance till no one not agreeing with them is left, you need to put your bibles down for a few minutes and look into that. Lack of knowledge isn't going to save you. We are literally on the brink of U.S. sovereignty being handed over to the World Health Organization during the World Economic Forum this next week, and you are about to lose your 'religious freedom'. And you'll never get it back.
I haven't spent decades of my life putting straws into brains for no reason. My life hasn't been saved over and over for no reason. I was born to make words for people to understand. I haven't spent years blogging to not say this.
YOU are about to lose EVERYTHING.
FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. This includes you, atheists. You're not immune from search and seize when we lose habeas corpus.
Are you tired of governments on all levels telling you what to do. REMOVE THEM.
We are millions in the U.S., billions in the world. We can dismantle them. It's never too late to rise up. Stop waiting for other people to do it for you.
Before I go, just a reminder that our nation has been prepped with a whole lotta sleeper cells who are weapons trained and only need a trigger to activate into violence. Their brains are broken like mine, but unlike mine, theirs are hidden from them. They have no idea they are soldiers at the snap of fingers and will start killing when they are told. The school shootings and seemingly random bombings are tiny examples of that. When our nation goes into meltdown, we will be in a real zombie apocalypse, and you need to figure out NOW what you are willing to do to make it all stop so WE THE PEOPLE can get control back from world level mafia organizations. If/when white hat alliance ever has to activate military on our own soil (U.N. military is NOT white hat), you need to understand what is really going on.
Don't be afraid to learn things. Learning religious histories won't damage your own faith. You might learn a little compassion or something, but the main thing is you learn who the real enemy is and what they are doing to us. Don't be afraid to team up with other faiths against the real enemy.
Lol. Little did I dream the turn therapy would take. We're discussing possible extension beyond 18 visits to 30, which is my Medicare limit, and I sincerely hope it works because I can't even imagine cortisone shots anywhere near my head or face. They said it would have to be neck but it probably wouldn't do that much good back there. Anyway, I was cautioned today for nausea from massive endorphin dump, and yep, I'm taking the rest of the day off.
Woke up earlier with a migraine that feels like it goes all the way down my spine. The pill I took isn't even touching this. Spending 45 min in the heat with the chickens out yesterday and then coming in to AC may have set off a trigger. Midsummer heat is usually the worst on my severe fibro flares every year, so thats an easy correlation. Plus all the work in physical therapy lately triggering referring flare ups. Feeling pretty sick. Full blast nervous system disorder today. I'm not one to throw up but we're close.
The nerve compression in our work area is 40 years old. I was barely able to cripple around the house 15 years ago it had gotten so bad. Coming back from that has been nothing short of miraculous and sheer grit. Today is a reminder that I survived what should have killed me 40 years ago.
11:30 a.m.
I think I'm nearly ok. Well, at least not curled up super still and quiet in a dark room.
From a derelict garden next door, June 2009.
I tweeted a pic of our cherry tree yesterday.
These are from 2008.
Ish, I think I'm done. I thought I could power through but I'm going to lay back down.
I think of this song every time I go through this snapback stuff. I hear John Sebastian singing One Step Forward, Two Steps Back in my head.
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