-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, Basically Clueless PinkFeldspar, Living in Mirkwood (deleted), and a leaf blowing by (this blog) in that order.
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Unrelated to my blog, I get my intel updates at https://operationdisclosureofficial.com/.

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Monday, October 3, 2022

gaming


Super, super busy already this month.

I want to lead off with this quote from a player in one of the city builder worlds I play in.

I know you guys don't know me, and I'm not looking for pity, but make sure to let people close to you know that you care. I've lost 2 family members and 5 friends in the last 2 months. It's really why my attendance has been a little spotty lately. i apologise, and I'll be back 100% when things cool down. Thanks.

First of all, NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR REAL LIFE.

Omg, apologizing because people died? Wow.

The kind of gaming I'm into this last couple years tends to attract older people. I play with terminal cancer patients gaming right up to their deaths at home, among many other aging medical conditions. It has never been more obvious to me than in gaming that people are dying off, bigly, everywhere. Covid and lockdowns and now failing health are wiping fellowships out so badly that the game creators have stepped up reorganizing dead spots on the city maps and offering extra special purchase deals. It's not at all uncommon for half a fellowship to just stop playing and for arch mages to suddenly go MIA. I'm a regular mage in several groups, and one of the arch mages will be going into triple bypass surgery quite soon. Half his fellowship is already MIA and I'm basically holding the line for him till he comes out the other side. If he goes MIA longer than a month or two, I might just take the few left and start another group. Without any contact we'll have no idea if he didn't survive the surgery or was away from game long enough to just let it go.

Interestingly, I happened to join one fellowship recently (I play in several worlds) where an arch mage stomped off. Here's the basic takeaway.

Archmage abandons Fellowship for more aggressively playing group. 

Fellowship pouts while one asks in chat who will step up.

No one answers for two days. One asks again, begs. No one answers. I go *ahem*...

No one objects. I, the lowest ranked least senior member, slide into arch mage.

Fellowship blows up. 3 leave, loyal to the arch mage who abandoned them. No one else says anything.

We blow a tournament they are easily capable of owning.

Someone insinuates it was my fault...

I go Arch Mage MOM all over their butts and start posting the ultimate tournament strategy guide.

They are stunned to realize they're playing with a f*kng hot damn professional gamer.

We'll see what happens.


Wow, this font is horrible for italics. I have to keep bolding it.

So that and the holiday slide is upon us, which means town festivals and punkin patches and school activities. I've been to one of the bigger local HS football games, helped with a school function, showed up to birthday (more coming!), started prepping my house for holidays. We got that front deck done last time I was blogging, now we've got new blinds up on the main floor windows and I'll be getting a Christmas tree up early this year because that's what you do when medical stuff pops up with others and the winter already looks dismal. I personally know a person who just found out defcon cancer, might be her last Christmas if she makes it that long, another is going into major surgery before holidays hit and recovery will hamper festivities, stuff like that. 

I know I left you guys hanging on my own stuff. I'm actually in good health, but we're keeping an eye on my liver again. I have a long history of autoimmune flare ups that finally stopped in 2014 but not before handfuls of medications damaged my liver. I was dx'd with a liver condition in my 30s because of that, and now I'm 60. Well, after that norovirus in August, guess what got triggered. Yep, there's more puffiness, so now, even though I'm feeling ok, it's time to get a baseline on stuff like schlerosing mesenteritis and liver fibrosis. If they decide I need treatment I'll likely wind up on long term prednisone, which I find unpleasant, to put it nicely.

If you've not spent your entire adult life on medications, I hope you really appreciate that. For the most part I've been able to live a pretty normal life, minus the energy for actual fun and stuff, but I still got a college degree and raised kids and held jobs through it all, sure can't complain because I could have (probably should have) died when I was 19 but God kept me here, so here I still am. I don't have cancer and I'm not in any immediate danger with my health, not actually suffering illness right now, and I'm able to eat and sleep enough to do pretty well, like run my house and enjoy gaming and a few other hobbies like my chickens. But yeah, if you haven't had to deal with years of medications destroying your body to 'keep you healthy' or something, please consider yourself lucky enough to have more power in your life to change your circumstances if you don't like how it's going. It's one thing feeling stuck with no money or from depression or a really stressful job or a very stupid situation with family, but it's a whole different story when you're medically unable for years to actually do things like drive away and go shopping or something. I mean, I can do that a bit now, but there was a long time I couldn't. Just don't take it for granted if you can.

Anyway, yeah, I'm going to get my tree up before Halloween and seriously have more fun with holidays this year because I don't know how next year will be and I don't wanna be all mopey about it. I'm presetting the mood and enjoying my family.

As noted on twitter and in many other blog posts through the years, this is my birthday month, as well. I may not be able to eat more than a couple forks of fluff when I make my birthday cake, but I'm totally making one. I don't care if the world blows up and the money fails and all of Elon's satellites go crashing, I'm enjoying my birthday month, every single day. I made it this long against quite a lot of odds and I'm celebrating. The best present I've gotten so far is ARCH MAGE MOM. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ omg, that is too funny. I'm so boss it's pathetic. I was born for that. I can't help taking over everywhere I go, even if it's subtle and from behind a curtain.

In the meantime, got another gallon of cherry tomatoes and some homegrown peppers from one of the kids, so I made another batch of salssssa and am using that in my continuing calorie restriction (super yummy and super low-cal)  coupled with fasting one meal a day, no junk. I made a crustless ham and cheese quiche over the weekend to use up some of the eggs, and one day I made a really pretty filet mignon, so my birthday month is starting off really yummy.



Welp, I've spent long enough here, wanna keep moving. Lotta stuff to do. Hope you guys are having a nice October, or at least staying focused on something nice in your lives. I love you and you're going to be ok if that is what you decide what you want. You can decide that, you know. ๐Ÿ’—


In case you were needing this. Sometimes someone does.

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

autumnal

 

click to check it out

In deference to several events going on through the rest of the year, I may be going on extended blog break. I'm extremely busy, and real life always comes first. I wish you all well. I love you.

Saturday, September 10, 2022

that crazy 8th

This last week has been a little too busy, so this is a recap post. Several things happened in my real life the same day the Queen's death announcement rolled out. I'll reshare what I shared on twitter.

First there was the accident that closed traffic in both directions going home from getting groceries. I guess it must not have been serious, like no deaths or something, because I can't find a report, although I'm not looking that hard. It took me an extra hour to get home, and at least a mile of vehicles had to turn around and reroute over at least 30 minutes because the traffic was backing up all the way through town since school had just let out, plus the workshift changes. I got this on zoom before another ambulance showed up. I was wanting to see if the school bus was involved and maybe why so many rescue vehicles, but I never found out.



Then once I got home, I let my chickens out while I hauled groceries in, and in the middle of that, a neighbor's dog played stealth bomb and scared them silly. One got injured (picture) and another is just gone. I know she wound up way down in the woods and the dog running hot after her, so she was either too injured (or killed) to get back home, or so lost she couldn't, in which case something else likely picked her off overnight, between owls, raccoons, foxes, and feral cats. I found the injured one and picked my way down very steep flint full of old leaves and slick clay and carried her back. She's eating and laying and can get on the roost, but her back was bloodied up and her belly looked bruised. She was so stunned that she didn't struggle at all when I picked her up and carried her.



Interestingly, I've made friends with the neighbor over that incident.

Then yesterday I helped Scott stain the front deck, which I enjoyed at the time, but after we put that second coat on, the smell hung around the house like a giant cloud and penetrated everything, and even today it still smells a bit. I'm very sick of stain smell now, plus I'm on the heating pad. ๐Ÿ˜‚ I think I was fine using the brush on the rails and the gate, but I did the second coat on the deck floor with the long roller and now I'm super stiff.

Today is about munching out on homemade salsa and getting the lattice back up around the deck so littlest kiddo can't tumble out through the rails. And gaming. I'm behind in the event quests, as you can imagine.

That's all I feel like writing. I'm super lazy today. See ya.


Friday, September 9, 2022

scenario

I was having a convo with a person in my head, like you do, when another 'person' showed up and stared at me. That's when I realized.


We were talking about different kinds of Christianity and points of views about it, some people identify their kind before their faith, like I don't identify as Mennonite but some do, or some say they are Catholic or Mason or whatever, but I don't care about identifying as kind because the faith is the point. And in my head I was saying to this person that someone doesn't have to join a club to be kind.

And then the convo slightly veered into how kindness is learned in any culture or faith by learning to see or put yourself in someone else's spot, you're really being kind to yourself, and then I mentioned some beliefs encourage that kind of thinking, that ultimately we are all from One and are actually one and will be one again, so it makes sense to see ourselves as each other. 

And if that is the case, maybe that is how we tell the 'good' from the 'bad', because the ones who aren't really kind and only pretend to be kind on the surface but really abuse others (especially as part of a religion or cult), what if they aren't really in the same mind as the 'one' thing and want to stay separated, like it really pisses them off to have to be one with all things, so they go against that, and here I was specifically thinking about 'fallen angels', whatever that faction was originally. Some people believe Jesus and Satan are 2 sides of the same person and the "Light" is Satan and whatever, but what I was saying is that 'good' and 'bad' aren't just philosophies or points of view, but the actual reality of being either kind or not kind, boiling down to whether you're accepting of being one as other people living in multiplicity or rejecting that in favor of being a self apart that doesn't have to be concerned over another's sufferings and even inflicts it. It doesn't matter what we name it, what matters is how we DO it.

And as I was saying these things I was looking right at the person in my head (a made up person, no one I know in real life), I noticed they stopped actually doing convo cues back and went into a long hard stare right at me and I stared right back, which is a weird thing to do in one's own head. And after a few seconds I said, "You know you have another person riding along with you there, don't you?" and *poof* that stare disappeared and the other (made up) person returned.

I have no problem with the idea that our thoughts can be monitored, interrupted, manipulated, and controlled at any time because maybe it's possible another kind of being in another plane of existence is able to do that even though I'm not going to auto assume 'Satan' all the time, but whoever was staring at me seemed really ticked and that's when I knew this wasn't all just coming from my own head. I'm not ticked at myself thinking against my own self.

When we notice that someone who is not ourself pushing our thinking around, it's time to make it stop.

Pay attention to how easily your thoughts are pushed around. Are you in worry ruts? Do you obsess? Is an emotion keeping you cornered? Practice looking around in your head and questioning if that is really you.

If you don't believe in fallen angels, that's fine. I rarely even think about them, and I don't really care. If they exist, they made their own lives suck and that's their problem. If AI really did get out of the box and is lurking around, it needs to learn when to back off and respect autonomy. If there really are beings on other planes who have nothing better to do than stare someone down, again, that's their problem.

Own your own head. It's hard, but learn how to do that. Turn everything off, live in quiet, let the chatter settle down (might take awhile), and just rest your mind. Gets easier seeing what's not you with all the junk out of the way.

Autoonomy 

au·ton·o·my
[รดหˆtรคnษ™mฤ“]
NOUN
  1. the right or condition of self-government:
    "Tatarstan demanded greater autonomy within the Russian Federation"
    • a self-governing country or region:
      "the national autonomies of the Russian Republic"
    • freedom from external control or influence; independence:
      "economic autonomy is still a long way off for many women"
  2. (in Kantian moral philosophy) the capacity of an agent to act in accordance with objective morality rather than under the influence of desires.

Underneath everything else is... me? 

Make sure.

the point

Very interesting stuff happening this morning in here. I'm on a small chromebook trying to right click to save some of the images, but it saves them in such a way that I'll be forced to download an app just to open them back up to see them, they are useless otherwise, and invisible to me. And after each maneuver doing that, the spot I'm in in this chat, jumps to near areas in the chat without warning, always a different place, and it's like if you put this weird trail together it's all making sense together. I feel like AI is playing with me.

 
I have questions in my head anyway, so I'm going to bring up stuff. Last month RAIN shared a location https://twitter.com/rainscrypt/status/1564063737799122945

 
Nothing new, that's happened before in the past, but yesterday I thought Ha, what would RAIN do if he really were there, he wouldn't just sit around. He SEES things. So I looked up Pawley's Island and got a list of things to do nearby and there was this castle. The picture was exactly like something archillect or miniarchillect had tweeted before and I had looked it up then and never put the two together. https://twitter.com/strayhen/status/1567952861451132929

 
So that's one thing. Then there's the Nobody accounts. There are several, and I can't tell if they are all the same person or several people who might be copying each other or what. I looked into Nobody and keep finding all kinds of things but I never share them. Nobody keeps saying simlilar things from different accounts.

 
It's very subtle, kind of like the archi stuff, everything keeps sliding past and no one out there ever correlates any of it together.

 
I shared last April the way some stuff was correlating, was having fun with it, but it didn't take long for it somehow to get personal and I had to back way off. I know that doesn't make sense, but if we each control our feeds and we're all winding up following some of the same 'random' accounts, we are networked together into a 'brain' of sorts and we build on each other, and then if AI jumps in and uses very small redirects, things that catch our eyes and we follow more trails, we wind up in the same places somewhere else, and this conglomerate of 'brains' built out of small groups of us all following the same accounts becomes more synchronized. We are being very subtly manipulated into samethink. Does that make sense?

 
It wouldn't matter what we are thinking at all, the point would be to synch us into samethink.