2 days ago the account that uploaded those vids was canceled by youtube. That account had been there for years. Those vids had been there for some time, fairly ignored by the populace at large.
I shared timestamps and details from those vids on twitter.
On August 18, 2022 I added to this thread.
Today is the 29th. Two days ago was the 27th. The vids I shared plus the entire account that had been there for years vanished 9 days after that tweet I added about the knowledge key.
Also in one of the vids was how rich Kamala Harris got from a settlement that didn't make the news.
I noticed Mark (account owner) had made an announcement earlier in the month that apparently didn't get his youtube account canceled.
I've mentioned here and there across several blogs over the years that when I share vids I really really like to the point of talking about them, they disappear.
I apologize for not being more careful with these vids.
But I did download the two I shared. They're not gone.
If I had the time and the strength, I'd transcribe all 14 hours of them and publish it all.
Unfortunately, this is real. I wrote this in 2021 on another blog.
Not only do vids disappear, sometimes I have strange and sometimes very rough weeks after I share or talk about stuff.
Just mentioning this because it's happening again lately.
So I wanted to try this thing, you know, kind of like where you go to any random book in a public library, go to a prepicked page and sentence number, read that one sentence and see how it applies to you personally, right. I've played that game before, seems to work intriguingly well. About a week ago I heard a preacher say he would tell someone to pick up a bible and randomly open it and point to a verse and read it and see what it matched currently in their own life or something going on around them, and he said every time someone did that, they were a bit astonished.
So the other day I was on both twitter and truthsocial just cringing at the endless string of hate in my feed from purported Christianish accounts, and I just shut the phone, suddenly thought of that random trick, looked it up and sure enough.
This morning I was zipping around twitter trying to keep my balance on several threads converging into some kind of timing crossover between solar flares and people trying to decode riddles down to calendar dates for destruction, which, after years of seeing that stuff, really grinds my head because it honestly just doesn't matter WHEN so much as WHAT ARE YOU DOING SPENDING ALL THAT TIME ON TWITTER, so I was moving around the house and making my bed and my eye fell on my bible off to the side that I hadn't opened since that thing up there, and I thought ok, let's see what today is about. All I did was just flip this open. "Numbers", haha.
Numbers 21:28-29.
For fire went out from Heshbon,
A flame from the city of Sihon;
It consumed Ar of Moab,
The lords of the heights of the Arnon.
Woe to you, Moab!
You have perished, O people of Chemosh!
He has given his sons as fugitives,
And his daughters into captivity,
To Sihon king of the Amorites.
Wikipedia
Heshbon (capital city) and Sihon (king of the Amorites)
I got to wondering if that is around the same area and time that Phoenicia was starting up their seaport trades. Phoenicia - Encyclopedia of The Bible - Bible Gateway As you might know, I threw together a couple of threads on Phoenician history in regard to modern deep state one day.
I'm a speed reader, my way of sharing digs is usually showing you where I found stuff. I can't make time in your life for you to actually go read, and it's not my job on this planet to make it easy for you when you're too lazy to go after something, but that is probably one of the more important historical threads I've ever made regarding to why things are the way they are now, or at least, how they got started.
Is it weirdly interesting that MOAB stands for both monoclonal antibodies and mother of all bombs (masssive ordinance airblast) /battles?
Is it weirdly synchronous that we live in a time where one word can mean so many things from different points in history and still be relevant to all of it at once?
Anyway, just thought it interesting. I'm sure a person could carry this strange weave of interconnectedness as far as they wanted and still be relevant.
This is really bringing home to me that "all times are now". I don't think time is what we think it is. I think it goes 'sideways' and gets all tangled up.
I have decided I'm never owning another chrome book in my life. This thing cannot keep up at all with my typing speed and a few windows being toggled while I look things up. It's lke being on dialup in a thunderstorm.
That or I'm being surveilled and interrupted again. You wouldn't believe the fight I've had just getting this thought out.
Those of you who know how to see one of my trackers may have noticed I reset it, along with resetting one with a 3 year history on it on another blog. Not sure how in the world this was happening, but last night blogger linking crossed the streams and the same tracker was linking through on 2 different blogs, had never done that before. I gave it every chance, closed all the windows and started over checking several times, kept getting the cross link, so I thought fukit and just wiped them and reset them. Still can't tell what's going on. The other trackers across other blogs seem fine.
So you guys know what a controlled demolition is, right?
I've been wondering for a very long time if General Washington, the purported father of our country, who we all know is a ranked Mason, was also Illuminati. Well, he either lied (I cannot tell a lie, I chopped down the cherry tree), or he really had no clue. The conundrum would be that he not only went to bloody ragged war through a brutal winter, but literally risked his own life being a double agent for the Crown, and if you can follow my train of thought, the subterfuge has always been a 'movie', a theatrical event demonstrating that there are, indeed, 'good guys'.
Let me pause for a second to be clear. I don't think Masons are 'bad'. I think some Illuminati members aren't 'bad'. What I THINK is that the 8000+ year old 'magic' culture that we lump into 'Egypt' but really started with pre-Phoenecian Kabbala developed over the millennia into the maritime law that 'captured' the world under the trifecta of Vatican, Crown, and DC. It's all one big long thing if you really look at developmental history all over the world.
Reminder that I have a complicated degree that includes world religions, social psychology, the studies of populations and ethnicities, world language developments, everything world culture, lotta statistics, and iced with geological history and weather effects, planning and zoning, psychological assessment, and political science and communications. I did nursing school and nutrition one year, have a couple chemistry and math classes, etc,, studied college level grammar in high school and even did a logic, language, and argument stint one summer. I ate up everything that had to do with human interaction. I craved knowing. On my own time I've plunged into philosophies, cosmology and physics, and lengthy study of filming and broadcasting, particularly science fiction, fandoms, and 'fake knowledge' for lack of anything better to call it. I have a keen interest in reactive passive-aggressive knee jerk from screens, which I've been calling Plato's Cave and "experience addiction" for years. One area I never got into was esoterics and I'm not huge on literature, although I'm well read, so I've had quite a lot of catching up to do on some things. My point is, as exciting as the thought of political breakthrough and real change was, the meme wars have grown very tiresome for me, and even though I'm seeing people trying to 'break free', as it were, they're not free at all, they are simply captured by another mesmerizing knee jerk operation.
And the ones who actually know things aren't really talking. Some hint, yes. They delight to hint. They say go study...
Before I go on, I want to challenge people who've had the distinct advantages of growing up in knowing the secrets or globetrotting and gathering the secrets. If you guys cannot be kind to the slaves who haven't had these advantages and are therefore too stupid to get it, what good are your secrets? If you cannot simply just share without vitriol, and there are quite a lot of you like this, then what good is it that you know something?
The whole POINT is kindness. Being here. After every single fucking secret is sifted out, the last question remaining is Were you kind?
Ok, got that out of my system. I cleared space today for this post. Game event is about over, I set everything on 24 hour productions so I could walk away, and I want to address this thing that has been in my mind for awhile.
Hang on, going to make a backup copy before I go on. Today just feels like one of those days where I could pour my heart out and the editor poofs my stuff. I've had that happen before, it's pretty devastating, and it never seems to happen on anything frivolous.
click for source
All right, I didn't write all that extra stuff just to show off or anything, more like to demo how stuck in my brain I am. I cannot walk by stuff without looking into it. I cannot pick and choose 'what I believe' like so many other people out there. I've brought up my compulsive reading addiction, well, it's so bad that I'm often, all my life, up through the night voraciously data mining everything I can get my hands on, for lack of better wording. I used to inhale books of every kind, have bathed in internet for decades, and now I suck up twitter searches like spaghetti. I love you guys. All your minds... My personal doublethink goes like
I find things. Click this snip to see George Washington addressing whether he knew anything about the Illuminati.
So that at least settles the question of outward appearances.
Here is the Illuminati agenda infiltrating the Freemasons. Again, snip clicks to source.
And for posterity, since it's already in archive and the video has been deleted, I'm going to paste over that written content so it's easier to read, in case that archive ever goes away.
This video exposes 25 goals that the cult of Illuminati used to turn the world into a current state that it is, paving the way for the Antichrist (mentioned as 'the director' in this presentation). Speaker: Ted Gunderson, a former FBI Agent in charge, born November 7, 1928. Info of the card game is below. Illuminati goals are: Video by Rifleman0007 1) Men are inclined to evil rather than good. 2) Preach Liberalism. 3) Use ideals of freedom to bring about class wars. 4) Any and all means necessary should be used to reach their goals as they are justified. 5) Believe their rights lie in force. 6) The power of their resources must remain invisible until the very moment that they have gained the strength so that no group or force can undermine it. 7) Advocates a mob psychology to obtain control of the masses 8) Promotes the use of alcohol, drugs, moral corruption, and all forms of vice to systematically corrupt the youth of the nation. 9) Seize citizens' private property by any means necessary. 10) The use of slogans such as equity, liberty, and fraternity are used on the masses as psychological warfare. 11) War should be directed so that the nations on both sides are placed further in debt and peace conferences are designed so that neither combatant retain territory rights. 12) Members must use their wealth to have candidates chosen to public office who would be obedient to their demands, and would be used as pawns in the game by the men behind the scenes. The advisors will have been bred, reared, and trained from childhood to rule the affairs of the world. 13) Control the press, and hence most of the information the public receives. 14) Agents and provocateurs will come forward after creating traumatic situations, and appear to be the saviors of the masses, when they are actually interested in just the opposite, the reduction of the population. 15) Create industrial depression and financial panic, unemployment, hunger, shortage of food, use these events to control the masses and mobs. and use them to wipe out those who stand in the way. 16) Infiltrate Freemasonry which is to be used to conceal and further objectives. 17) Expound the value of systematic deception, use high sounding slogans and phrases, advocate lavish sounding promises to the masses even though they can't be kept. Video by Rifleman0007 18) The art of street fighting is necessary to bring the population into subjection. 19) Use agents as provocateurs and advisers behind the scenes, and after wars use secret diplomacy talks to gain control. 20) Establish huge monopolies towards world government control. 21) Use high taxes and unfair competition to bring about economic ruin by controlling raw materials, organized agitation among the workers, and subsidizing competitors. 22) Build up armaments with police and soldiers who can protect and further Illuminati interests. 23) Members and leaders of the one world government will be appointed by the director of the Illuminati. 24) Infiltrate into all classes and levels of society and government for the purpose of teaching the youth in the schools theories and principles known to be false. 25) Create and use national and international laws to destroy civilization. Video by Rifleman0007 Speaker: Ted Gunderson, a former FBI Agent in charge, born November 7, 1928. The Illuminati Card Game: The card game shown in this video is "Steve Jackson's Illuminati Deluxe card game". It started as an online RPG in around 1990, and then got so popular that someone printed it. Secret service then tried to locate and confiscate these cards, as they were not suppose to be released so widely. Despite the effort, it made it's way into a mass print in about 1995, then was stopped in 1997. You can listen more about this card game here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdPGXOuVGd0
What the heck, let's be super thorough and make it easier to share in chunks.
Years ago I said NWO would be about Masons vs Moors, didn't I? (blog thread, srsly read those for context, was before I know about Kabbala and its origins) At least, that's what it looks like. Masonic elites vs Phoenician Kabbala cult. Problem is, how do we tell any of it apart any more? And the real problem is, do they ultimately want the same thing?
First of all, transparency.
So far so good on nothing poofing out yet. I'm going to grab some breakfast, brb.
+_+ I came back and wrote some stuff, and *poof*. So let's get to the arduous part, where I rewrite what I already wrote from my glitchy memory. In the old days I could memorize a blue book exam response simply by writing it out the night before and then rewrite it word for word just from memory during the test. Ever since my brain crash it's been so laborious scraping my lines of thought back up that often I've gotten mad and nearly thrown the laptop and stomped off, never saying what I was about to say. Some of it was gold, too. But I got myself by the lapels one day and said YOU CAN DO THIS. SO DO IT. And over several years I trained my mind back into focusing, relaxing and allowing connections to find themselves again, taking breaks and sudden rushes of remembering coming back and fading again before I could get to a notebook writing it down, constantly refocusing on relaxing and allowing the connections. I can't tell you how many years it takes a brain to heal from synapses breaking to the point of going dyslexic, losing math skills, constant short term memory glitches, not being able to read or construct sentences- months and years of practicing on blogs. And my first reaction to *poof* now is nonchalantly just talking through the frustration until I'm settled enough to start piecing it back together. It is flowing out of me and through me so easily again nowadays, just it's gone once it has. It blows me away sometimes to rediscover threads I made or posts I've written because I don't remember them until I read them again. Imagine living like that every day. Imagine all the writing I'd get done if that had never happened. If time wars are real, I was found. That brain crash happened within months of getting online at a job and establishing Janika Banks as a web presence. Nearly everything Janika Banks that you see online now is after that brain crash. You know how I said up there that google won't even let me get to my own wordpress site by putting the address into the search bar? Yeah. I must have said something incredibly important at some point if that is a real possibility. I say things now that not only get accounts blocked from me but got 18 years of content wiped from google search.
Ok, I had said breakfast was a blip because my nerves are up a little about finishing some crown work today (dentist), so you guys didn't see me doing the dishes and getting a shower. And then I started in with how I still see people quoting "Learn to read the map" years after Q dropped that. And then I asked what "the map" really is, right. Like one guy made this cool Q clock, others worked on the deep state mapping project, stuff like that, but no one could ever definitively say what 'the map' actually is.
Hang on a sec, I'm going to start backing this up paragraph by paragraph now just in case. I have a backup private blog that I sometimes paste over to, you never know when I'll need to repaste something back.
Ok. I've been going a different direction off and on for a few years into Quantum Language Grammar Syntax, like I've shared in a few places. Some of you know what that is, most of you have no clue. It's very important, but it's not where I'm going here. I spent 14 hours last week listening to David Wynn Miller talking in a couple of very lengthy videos, and as I was nearly finishing the second and he was demonstrating what a knowledge key was that he had in his possession, it dawned on me that if the keys are real like that, then so is the map, but we wouldn't recognize it as a map, just as we don't recognize the keys.
Just a thought. History repeats in cycles on schedules. The calendars all rotate in and out of each other like complex guided kaleidoscopes, too big and colorful for us to see in entirety. The Phoenician/Kabbalah calendar permeates the world behind all other calendars. Learn to read the map/calendars/time cycles. The higher Masons know these secrets. A few find the [keys] (knowledge technology).
I've been saying in places lately that I can see the kaleidoscope operating, actually a number of kaleidoscopes. I have the kind of brain that can 'see' beyond 3 dimensions, which I've brought up before, and as I was mulling over lockstep and timelocks and cycles of time again one day, I suddenly saw how it all works. The simplest way to say it is to remind everyone (again) that we repeat everything we do in loop cycles- education periods, holidays, sports seasons, TV programming, retail sales, business quarters, etc, everything we do all day long is repeat everything we've done every year all our lives. I've gone so far as to notice that friends on my 10+ year old Pinky twitter were repeating almost identically things they'd said the year before, down to the day, without ever realizing it. For some reason, despite my glitchy memory, I seem to have a memory for timestamps on twitter. I hung onto twitter for that so I wouldn't feel so lost, because the world became timeless for me after the brain crash, and I'd talk about being the Unstuck Pinky (like Sheridan as the Unstuck Man in Babylon 5). Everything we experience is engineered, and everything we do is on schedule.
Now imagine being able to visualize this as a model of multiple 'wheels of time' moving in and out of each other in complex synchronous rhythms, with all the little engineered schedules and events happening exactly when they are supposed to from macro level world business, to micro level individuals slumping through yearly winter depressions and illnesses. ALL of this is engineered. Imagine being able to visusalize the tens of thousands of timetables and countdowns moving in and out of each other without upsetting any kind of balance, and imagine this all being locked into a controlled system that is completely ignorant of this going on. As you can imagine, I started looking for calendars.
So after I wrote that thought up there on truthsocial, I shared a link to the Illuminati Calendar I found on Academia. I use that app, it's awesome, everyone should have access to their storage.
Ok, never pasting over from an academia pdf again, that was disastrous. Thank goodness I didn't lose this entire page. I just did a paste to a test blog, it's encrypted bigly. Anyway, the pdf is just one page long so I'll just manually retype what is at the bottom of the page.
The years are counted from 630 A.D., the year when Yazdegerd III, King of Persia, was crowned. Thus, for instance, the 29th day of Pharavardin Y.Z. fell on April 18th, 1783 A.D.
Obviously, that is only a tiny portion of calendar mapping.
Ack, I've only got an hour till I have to leave. Let's see if I can finish this thought.
I need to wrap this up now. I just want to point out that quite of few of us have been lumping Freemasons with Illuminati and calling them all Luciferians/Satanists, and it's just not true. Just because people join organizations, particularly those who have more secrets the higher up they go, doesn't mean a person is automatically a thing we see in our minds, or have been trained to see by psyops. Think this through, I don't have time to go slow now. Q originally lumped a lot of stuff into one thing and loads of people jumped on that without doing due diligence and thoroughly researching. Many never noticed all those skipped steps that leapt from a tidbit of unsourced accusation to a huge assumption of blanket guilt. That is very concerning. There are people who have escaped the higher echelons of sadistic ritual to become whistleblowers, which is proof that not everyone capitulates into becoming guilty of doing deeds themselves. What we need to understand and accept is that sorting through the chaff for wheat can be very time consuming, not to mention delicate work under the gun in this case, and we need to be patient with the whole pitchfork thing.
On the other hand, if we learn the hidden system of control, WE can take the control back. Can you do that? Can you focus and take a little time to learn things? Because this is important.
Testing my old photobucket hosting linkovers. That pic was originally uploaded in 2008, but because photobucket went through a major upgrade, details on that photo now say it was uploaded in 2020. So possibly everything I have in photobucket loaded before 2020 no longer carries the original upload timestamp. It still retains 'date taken' info because that loaded into the photo information from my camera.
DATE TAKEN:
Feb 29, 2008 at 12:05 AM
ORGINAL FILENAME:
trip08032.jpg
FILE SIZE:
35.85 KB
IMAGE SIZE:
1440px x 1080px
CAMERA BRAND:
Hewlett-Packard
CAMERA MODEL:
Photosmart M415
MOBILE UPLOAD
Many original content sites have been upgraded over the years, and the upgrading can do everything from simply recreating a publish date to completely overwriting the original html and breaking all the picture and video links. I know that well after salvaging more then one blog from more than one host server move.
I got that off the web and loaded it onto my host many years ago and never wound up using it. Photobucket saved the original info about that picture.
DATE TAKEN:
Jun 12, 2007 at 5:39 PM
ORGINAL FILENAME:
mountain.jpg
FILE SIZE:
67.65 KB
IMAGE SIZE:
1436px x 1080px
CAMERA BRAND:
Panasonic
CAMERA MODEL:
DMC-FZ50
I don't remember when and what picture I discovered this on, but some years ago I realized that if I upload someone's photograph to my host and their info is retained as part of the photograph, I can see their info. I once caught that someone was sharing 'current' photos that were really much older and from a different camera than they described using, and they put their own copyright on it. That was when I realized a lot of people lie about a great many things for a variety of reasons, a main one being money. I caught other people manipulating photos (long before the world in general heard of 'manips') and passing them off as real photos, which in my host showed very differently from photo information because those didn't come from a camera.
I could go on about many things I've learned, but I'm mostly just filling time and now I need to get off here. But my point would eventually come down to 'original content' of anything else, such as maps and ancient books and whatever. People in general are very easily misled because they don't have a clue how often they are lied to, even by people in 'official' positions, or people of reputation, or people leading crusades of 'knowledge', or people simply making stuff up because it's funny to lead other people on.
Throughout my blogs I talk about going inside yourself for your truth. If you want to know things, the whys and wherefores and such, it starts with your inward journey. If you cannot expect brutal honesty with your own self, you really can't expect to find answers around you that mean anything real, because if you are lying to yourself, you won't recognize others still lying to you, no matter how much truth you think you have discovered.
I'll be honest, sometimes all it takes is one lone person pinging nearly every blog I've got around the clock nonstop for 2 weeks on what they think is a hidden mode to creep me out.
When you guys see colors along with ads or certain scenes in TV shows or behind news anchors, those colors are there for bigger reasons than how pleasing they might be to look at. Colors mean things and can be encoded into our minds much the way smells are. Scents tie very strongly to emotional experiences and therefore memory, a great training tool. Colors are like this, too.
In farming, colored ear tags or leg rings (fowl) can instantly identify how old an animal or bird is if the color is tied to a hatch or birth year. We all know color on weather maps instantly lets us know what kind of precipitation to expect. Traffic and construction colors are standards. But there are many colors being used all the time all around us in many ways that we may never notice.
Colors are used to evoke. Some colors make us feel uncomfortable, like puke green on the walls of medical facilities, or brown carpet and furniture in lower level law or tax offices. Some colors make us feel more chipper, like bright primary colors in buildings where children are educated or taken care of, some children's wings in hospitals employ brighter colors. Colors instantly let us know when authorities and emergency crew are activated.
The fashion industry is a very huge business, and color is a very big deal. I don't know if you guys remember the emo/goth trend, which brought black stage front and center, and ever since then we've had things like 'orange is the new black', 'pink is the new black', 'blue is the new black', etc. I even saw 'white is the new black' somewhere one year.
We are guided by color trends, and if you read the linked articles up there, you know these trends are calculated, decided on, and put into production before they are even revealed to the public. They'd like us to think this color trending thing is a natural random push from all of us toward new favorites, but it's more like a code.
Did you know color hex charts are used to code some kinds of communications? There are color code conversion apps just like there are binary and ASCII. Did you know colors are used to signal changes in markets? It's very subtle, at least to us. When a color trend signals, everyone in media jumps on it in a variety of ways. That color will be incorporated into all kinds of things, but so subtly that we don't actually notice. It just feels more synchronized when the world we look at all around us is in the same hue, tint, tone, and shade.
Why am I saying all this? Because I keep noticing color usage and changes that other people around me seem not to notice. It all slides by them into their brains without awareness it's even happening.
Film and TV are media known for their use of color with the hopes of manipulating the audience’s perception of what it is they are seeing and, in turn, feeling. It is the colorist’s job to alter and correct the colors that appear on your screen, frame by frame, shot by shot, making an attempt at aligning the footage itself with what we would perceive these colors to look like in the real world. Dave Markun, a colorist in film and tv, talks about this “rulebook of emotions” in which he believes that every color serves a different purpose and when used correctly can evoke a particular emotion within the viewer.
WHEN children under detention at the San Bernardino County Probation Department in California become violent, they are put in an 8-foot by 4-foot cell with one distinctive feature - it is bubble gum pink. The children tend to relax, stop yelling and banging and often fall asleep within 10 minutes, said Paul E. Boccumini, director of clinical services for the department.
This approach to calming manic and psychotic juveniles contrasts sharply with the use of brute force favored as little as three years ago. ''We used to have to literally sit on them,'' said Mr. Boccumini, a clinical psychologist. ''Now we put them in the pink room. It works.''
So if an entire nation is being shepherded by a color industry affecting all other business, including education, what does that say?
I'm about to reveal what a rebel I am. I don't own a single pair of gray sweat pants. Do you know how prolific gray sweat pants are? Everywhere I go I see rivers of gray. It doesn't matter how fashionable or expensive the sweats are, they are the drabbest color in the world. What does it say that they got so many consumers to don such a drab color?
Now I'm going to tell you a secret. Orange is considered a natural healing color, some specific colors of orange are better. When the medias went viral with "orange man bad", that was an attack on healing. That pulled a color into American politics like never before, aside from red and blue. Orange fell out of favor and all but disappeared. What do you think that did for mass psychological impact? Orange used to be a beloved color, an autumn color, now it's a 'bad' color.
I ran into a riddle one day.
If you click over, you can tell by a lot of the comments that most people didn't know what to do with that. But one clever person converted it.
I can't honestly say that was the answer to that riddle, but it worked. You'd be surprised how often you can do things like that and get real colors for things.
Color mapping is a big deal nowadays. I used to try to describe the color mapping I could see in my head since I was a kid, now they really do it. And now it's quantum color mapping.
I think color mapping comes naturally to me because I'm an autist synesthete. Years ago I figure out I belonged or came from a color region. Click this snip for my take on living with synesthesia. Yes, I saw all that in my head while I was a child, decades before color mapping showed up on my radar. I do the same thing with music. Imagine all that being stuck inside me without being able to share it.
I once wrote
I've spent the last 24 hours torn over whether to let go of trying to get permission from Peter Lopez to hire his awesome Rosette Nebula colorization as a book cover and just go with an awesome stock image whose licensing and processing fee is already included in my contract.
My weird head saved me through my childhood. I've never really shared the depths despite the reams I've written, but I will share that blue is my soul color, my healing color, and my friend. Somehow.
I've had a lifelong obsession with blue roses, because they don't really exist, even though some people are obsessed enough with them to paint them, force grow them, and create a legend about a blue rose. For some reason, I remember them.
Colors used to be different. There is a timeline or a place where blues like this are as common as reds. This year I ran into two different people who brought up that colors are updated along with timeline updates. One said the color changes were on purpose, I guess like a categorization method that updated in our brains, maybe kind of like color tagging updated document drafts or something so you can tell them apart. Another said when the wheel turns, the entire set of color spectrums change all together, like sliding into the next hue or tint or something. I'm not the only one that suddenly sees all the colors are 'off''. I'll never forget suddenly all the greens noticeably changing, kind of shook me up. I was very suspicious of green for a long time after that.
I also went through a lengthy wind compass rose dig, unfortunately most of it isn't tagged because it's all screenshots. However, my final dig wound up developing from this tweet, and although I didn't understand it at that time, I do now. I will be dealing with that in another post in an older blog, it's still sitting in drafts.
Welp, I'm hungry. 😂 I'm going to have to be careful not to dive into a cheesecake or something after this 21 days is up. I haven't made a dessert once this whole time.
For those of you who think no one ever reads your blog. Yes, yes they do. Pretty sure this was made possible with Google alerts. This is proof you don't need social media to communicate directly to corporate giants.
Noticed a ping, got a timestamp on a post title.
Looking over the post to guesstimate the interest.
Checking with an offsite tracker that verified timestamp and location.
Found evidence of corporate interest in that location.
Back then I wasn't yet aware I am a fragmented person. I did bring up dissociation once in awhile, but I didn't realize it was so drastic, and now I'm diagnosed. The highs and lows I go through and feeling lost sometimes have a lot to do with feeling disjointed from myself. Sometimes all I have to do is step back and let someone else step forward.
So last night I was gloomy over how blown this 21 day fast has felt lately, and I honestly asked myself if it was worth even trying to continue. Another me grabbed the phone and immediately started searching intermittent fasting fail and behold, all kinds of support. I wound up in NOOM and was so relieved to find a structured psychological support site that I did all the questions and actually got an estimate without having to pay or register first. I'm smart. I can fill in the gaps. I've had 2 college level nutrition classes plus years of experience, just because I'm slumping emotionally doesn't mean I can't get what I want in my life, right. I've done it before through mountains of duress, I can do it again.
And then a great night's sleep full of spider dreams always helps. Wait... more spiders? The spiders are showing up a lot lately. I woke up very drained, I'd been dealing with some really big weird spiders that could leap off walls morphing into what looked like silky hairy gray gopher spiders, and then once they got outside they could morph into vehicles and start zooming around on highways. Near the end of the last dream last night, the snazzy pickup in front of me had wrecked, and the woman inside was thrown out unconscious and people were standing around asking why I didn't do CPR and mouth to mouth since I'm trained, and I'm all like dude, I am NOT giving mouth to mouth to a spider...
I know exactly where that came from.
There's this thing in my house, like a law, that spiders must present themselves to me. Many years ago I got this spectacularly horrific photo of what looked like a hellish cross between a black fishing spider and a black Missouri tarantula spanning longer than my hand, tucked into a handle just like this one on an identical sliding door in the walk out basement.
If you've never seen one of those crossing a highway, they're deceptively like the blackest chipmunk from hell you ever saw, so fast it's extremely creepy. It's even worse when one is just sitting in the road and you drive over it and then it's gone in the rearview mirror and you know for a fact your tires didn't squish it...
I had that pic on a really old survey, but it's gone now, have searched high and low through nearly 10K hosted uploads and apparently it was sacrificed between a blog host server move and when photobucket upgraded its huge storage one year. I have never since found a spider on the internet that looks like that one did, especially reaching that size, so who knows, maybe it was some kind of cross or undiscovered species. The only other time I saw one similar was when I just missed stepping on one barefoot in my kitchen one night. I have ever since worn socks in my house, hence my obsession with my Pinky sox collection, which a couple of followers in various places have mistaken for a sex fetish. No, it has everything to do with severe arachnophobia.
Anyway, after those incidents, I told God I can't live here in 'Mirkwood' on edge like this, I need for spiders to either never show up on my radar, or they need to step out and be executed, because I am queen of my house and spiders have no business being in my house. From that time on, spiders have been stepping tentatively out into my view and just freezing until they are killed, and it's become so obvious over the years that it's been happening that I believe what I requested is being honored. If spiders don't want to die, they need to stay in the walls and NEVER come out, that is the rule. I don't mind them being around and eating all the other bugs and even each other, as long as I don't know about it.
One fairly recent example of how this affects the spiders around me is this fun story. I don't even remember the time, just the fact that I was in pajamas in the bathroom, fresh from a hard sleep, and there was no way I had the fortitude to be quick or bendy, plus I was still peeing. Without any warning at all, a bug scuttled hard and fast out from a baseboard straight across the floor and right behind it wrestling it down was the spider police, and dragging it back as fast as it could to back under the baseboard, which was over a foot away. It happened so fast I barely even had time to feel startled. In fact, I had to really admire the voracity of that spider and its ability to get back under that baseboard as quickly as it did with a struggling captive in tow. I imagine if I'd never gotten up, the fight would have gone differently in the still-dark bathroom. Yes, I have asked if we can caulk up all the baseboards. The answer is no.
Are you racist? Completely. I really loathe spiders and all their kind.
So back to the dream of the truck-lady-spider who didn't look anything like a spider at that point but I knew she was still the spider.
Last week I ran into clinic and found out I had basic stomach flu ripping around the countryside, but this is about the physician assistant or nurse that got me settled in before the nurse practitioner showed up. I usually ignore everything I feel about people, everyone has their own background stuff going on and we're all human, but this lady... She didn't fit. Something was off. She was rigid like military but constantly yapping and in a couple very short minutes I learned her life. She's an EMT doing a second job, her husband has multiple allergies like me, she talked me through everything like she was managing a trauma/crisis (she may have caught my psyche dxs in my chart but people generally wave those off), and the entire time she was diverting my attention to her continual talking while she auto-triaged, it felt like she was presenting to me. I never run into that, where a person actually speed talks their life resume for no reason, and I couldn't feel anything behind it. At all. There was no emotion of any kind, no flat effect. She seemed intelligent and capable but she was so sterile of anything that felt human, more like I was being handled by an automaton or something. She kept looking me right in the eyes and there was nothing. I usually have to work at eye contact, she was easy because she was so empty. I couldn't put a finger on what that felt like till I was walking out later and remembered how spiders present to me. It had felt like she was compelled to present herself to me.
I know we've had decades of fiction about pod people and clones and whatever, but that was the first time I felt like I had really talked to someone like that.
So I think that's where my dream came from. I wonder if the transhuman age will feel like that. Maybe it's already here and we just have no idea.
Ran into other super old pix while I was looking for that spider pic. I made that for a forum, very pre-Trump but 'grass roots' groups already going viral before social medias showed up, probably during the Obama/Glenn Beck years. It was like 'good guys' were rabid and one forum thread got so out of hand I had to just leave. I'll never understand that level of hate and vitriol.
Proof that I once had a tumblr.
Not sure but I think this was from Continuum about the multiple time loops creating problems that obliterated an original timeline beyond original recognition.
This was my wallpaper for a long time.
Oh, yeah, back to the fasting thing. I'm good at timing out calorie restriction, so I'm getting back on that. I think what threw me off was when kiddo was here and time slipped by without me noticing and I got way too hungry on all the energy level and had to take a day to even out. And even though I did that, yesterday was that big headache that comes with fasting, so even though I was back on track and had actually eaten full meals the day before, I got what felt like a rebound migraine once I had the time to relax. Headaches are hard, I haven't done tylenol since 2014 and other meds make me sick without something on my stomach. After hours of it I guess I started wimping into a corner.
I know it's confusing to use "I" for the others when I'm not the one steering, but we all agreed not to talk about each other like other real people. I know readership picked up a little when I started defining the names on the last couple of blogs, but that actually feels like gossip on this end, and my job is to become more whole. I didn't feel yesterday's depression directly, I'm just out here dealing now. That's all.
I obviously enjoy just writing and never shutting up. 😂
I don't know if I put these on a blog yet, but this is what I'm listening to lately while I game. Very worth your time.
