and this is why I game

Taking a break. Too much real life. I got cranky and I need to chill.

So I've been doing this singleplayer with a special seed for awhile, more in a holding pattern than anything while I think about what I want to do next, because it's going to be BIG, and while I was doing dishes today I suddenly had this vision of where and how to start when alla sudden a small gray streak across my yard and up a tree caught my attention and guess what. We know who the tomato thief is now.

I need to find a way to withdraw and avoid real people again, which will be challenging since I talk to so few actual people and sometimes they come into my house. I keep PTSD triggering and it hasn't helped at all that *cough*someone*cough* refuses to take an arterial bleed seriously. I dragged him up to an urgent care clinic the other day after he came home with blood all over a leg of his jeans and his sock was so bad I threw it away, he'd tried to bandage a tiny hole spurting blood everywhere after he bumped the scab off at work from an injury he got two days before that helping someone move heavy furniture and never paid attention to it or told me about it, so by the time we got to clinic it was too late to stitch or seal and they said if it keeps bleeding to go to ER. Well, that is out of the question with this super stubborn rugged individualist, so I practically sat on him making him let me bandage it properly because they were so sloppy at the clinic overwrapping too tightly that it was causing too much pain to walk. I did clinicals in a nursing home, I grew up with a Mennonite father on a farm, *I know wound care*. Does that matter? No. So I got extremely bossy and viola, great wound healing this week.

Except the bandage came off today and he didn't tell me, it's all dried up now and the slightest bump will set it off again. I didn't find out for hours. So I rebandaged and said if it starts spurting streams of blood all over everything again, we ARE going to ER, and he blew me off and went back outside.

I get the rugged tough man thing, I get the aging guy blowing stuff off thing, I get that I'm dismissable because wives are just noisy furniture to walk around when something more important needs doing, like shoveling mulch off a trailer, but I don't get why it's ok for him to be like that and nobody else. Because the same thing is going on next door, he and his sibs feel dismissed by their mom and have already abandoned the actual GOAL of establishing that they can walk into the house any time they want to check on their 90 year old mom because the druggie doesn't own the house and isn't the boss and they don't get they. are. just. like. their. mother. They are flighty and bitey and flippant and just as easily deterred from doing what is right as the mom who won't kick the druggie out of her house. They refuse to focus on mom and not the nephew. And it's the same thing with this injury. No matter how tiny that hole looks, an unstopped bleed or infection could take down the entire organism and that is just utterly dismissable because it isn''t part of a personal agenda.

😑 

I am so tired of attitudes.

And I'm really tired of being dismissed. That is one of several things that are actually pretty big deals and it doesn't matter at all whether I have years of experience and great problem solving skills.

Just love them anyway. Go back on game, get my mind off, and just love them anyway.