-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, Janika, Basically Clueless PinkFeldspar, Living in Mirkwood (deleted), a leaf blowing by (this blog), and JaizyMay (current blog) in that order.
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-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Day 2 & 3 of 21

Started this on the 2nd.


My fave ST series is Enterprise.


"Alternative Mirror Universe version seen during the Season 4 two-parter."





Well that was interesting. My Roku said it was 3:33 pm and it's only 7:13 am.

Ug, that sucks. I changed my theme and all the customized bits got set back to default.


Me and blogger for the last 30 minutes trying to fix and refix and refix my theme and then trying to get mobile viewing set and finally giving up. At least it'll be easier to see over the background on mobile.


The stupid part is that when mobile shows simplified view it sometimes drops whole lists of bullet points and sometimes actual links, which ticks me off, so I've been fighting with the theme to get the 'mobile = yes' into the CSS for all the widgets, and this theme is now so outdated or updated or something that it no longer accepts that, as simple a maneuver as it is, even though my old Janika blog has the same theme and the mobile widgets work great, BECAUSE blogger has since then updated something tiny but crucial that internally completely blocks that very simple thing. The whole theme system got updated a few years ago and I spent a few hours figuring out workarounds, but now it's more 'user friendly' and I'm ready to smash things, so it's time to just stop.

In the meantime, another event started on game and I'm woefully behind ignoring it. Do I care? NO.


I need to go walk around and do stuff and get a shower and get my day into focus. Kinda got lost in the html.


And then the game event sucked the rest of my brain out so I slid into truth for 2 seconds. 


Yes, that was naughty since I'm abstaining, but that's all I saw, I swear. You can click it to see the vid.

I'm looking through old stuff because I had this idea in the shower to make a 'deep state' page for the drop down menu at the top, with a few of my posts about deeper digs all in one place to make it easy. Ran into this (unrelated to that project) and I feel like repeating it, so here is a copy from March 2, 2019.

If you knew without a doubt, having pictures spread out in front of you, including old photographs and newspaper clippings, about an actor making jokes about all the teenagers and even younger kids they'd taken to bed (read raped), would you be able to watch movies starring them? If you knew someone had died from drug abuse after growing up in Hollywood and trying to tell people how often they'd been raped on TV sets and at parties growing up, would you be able to watch movies starring them?

Now here is the critical question.

If you know that there was an actor who had grown up with and starred in the same movies as those others and was one of the holdouts NOT telling the truth about what really happened, would you ever feel like reading their tweets again?

Because I finally realized just how twisted my life as a fan was looking up to someone who covered for the baddies while their fellow actors were trying to stand up and let people know what was going on.

And then my eyes opened, and I can only now see that actor as someone who is constantly using fame and depression as a way to get attention. Not to really deal.

*I* deal. I don't have an army giving me emotional support no matter what I write every single time I write. My own friends stop talking to me because of stuff like this. I have been more up front and honest about my real life than quite a few people who live in the spotlight, and I feel fairly experienced with dealing with scraping out my soul in front of people, and obviously not getting attention over it.

I've had a lot to think about.

I'm done pretending things are funny when they're disgusting. I see no need or reason to fight against a current I don't fit into. Others will wake up sooner or later, and their waking might be more jolting than mine was if they wait till the floodgates of reveals are finally open and get it all at once. I found a lot of it quite shocking, and I thought I was pretty numb inside all my life. I'm sick, I'm disgusted, and I'm very angry.

I've been hinting for years at who this person is, the last time I brought it up was 8/2/21 and the post either went viral in France or someone obsessively kept pulling it open every day for months and finally stopped recently. I wrote that shortly after I read one of his posts about being a stepdad and how wonderful it was for his life, and it hit me while I was reading it that he might actually be near a breakthrough because he was at the age and junction in his life to really correlate that to the fail he'd grown up with in the industry. Sure enough, the egg was cracking, and a few weeks later he wrote 👉👉this.👈👈 He is one of the key people who inspired me taking my writing and blogging very seriously, and as the years have passed by I realized more and more what a web of lies he was trapped in. He's been like Frodo wrapped in Shelob's web all his life and never even realized it. THAT is what Hollywood does to kids growing up in the industry. I want to smash it all. I want him to WAKE UP. I haven't kept up with his blog this last year, always busy, but I do hope he's dredging more of that gunk out of his soul.

Remember what I said about Sammy.

Anyway, time has passed, I've learned more and grown myself, I get what takes so long. I know it's genuinely hard. I'm not angry any more. As a species we have so terribly much to process through, it's just going to keep taking some time.

omg, just ran into a draft of notes from April 2019 titled 'musical worms' and it's super deep. I'll have to pull that back out and work on it sometime. Another draft called 'Shadows of earth' has only one incomplete sentence- "Silhouettes of trees that ragged shreds of sunlight find their way between to recreate the sun on slips of dark water below." I really should abstain from social media more, I've got good stuff laying around. I may have been inspired by this picture I took of the eclipse in August 2017 and other stuff looking like that. While people look up at the sky, I tend to look at the ground and I notice loads of things light does. While people look at the ocean, I turn around and look at the land next to it, and I notice even more stuff. So much exists that we never notice because we are trained to look in specific directions at specific things. I could tell you so much about what the world actually is and you would never believe me. Silhouette is a really cool word. Every word of that sentence I wrote carries depths of meanings.



We are swimming in light and we never even notice. We actually create light and we never even notice. Did you know your body creates light? There is so much light, even in the dark, that we can't even imagine LIGHT. We use the word all the time, talk about it like we have a clue, but we don't. I'll stop there, there's so much I could write about for days that they never teach us about light.


One question- What do light and water have in common?






Now it's the 3rd.

My hay fever is suddenly off the hook after those few days of cold rain we got before it zoomed back up to 100. Guess everything grassy and nettly went crazy while it had the chance.

So I was able to skip one meal two days in a row and did fabulous, today I ate all 3 meals. Not sure if the sinus headache was dragging me down but food helped. This afternoon was way better, so maybe I can get back to the fast tomorrow.

Do you guys ever think about how for millennia humans never had access to really beautiful music the way we do? Even kings and queens didn't have music at their fingertips any time day or night. They had live performances during scheduled events, perhaps background performers playing all day in a room that echoed around the castle. The commoners had bar bands and traveling theater groups. But they couldn't just slap a youtube playlist up and listen to it any time they wanted while they were doing something else without having to pay or bother anyone to make them play the music. If you've never thought to appreciate this one thing in our lives nowadays, feel deeply grateful that we are alive right now to experience this. Never take any music for granted again. Especially this music.👈👈



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