they feed us patterns

Started Thursday 6/9.

Woke up at 1:20 am and haven't been back to bed at all yet, and it's 8pm now. Not sure yet if euphoric episode is starting, really hope I get a little sleep before it kicks in full blast if it is.

Everything in me is saying nope, just shut this thing.

Now it's Friday.

Did it again, woke up at 1:20 am.

This physical therapy releasing bound up scar tissues has become so arduous that I cannot heal as quickly as the slowed down work is now going, and I think after today's session there is a 2-week break and then I'll assess out for a longer break so this can all sort itself and settle before we go on.

And very seriously, this feels very much like reliving that car accident. It's the kind and level of pain where it's so constant and unremitting that it's slowing my brain down like a sort of processing sludge and I keep losing my place on what I'm thinking about.

But I've had an interesting thought while I spaced out watching a graphic on game a few minutes ago. The graphic repeats in a cycle mimicking a manufacturing production, in this case planks. Since I'm playing from an elven point of view, the factory is a bit alive or magical and the planks are currently just sprouting out of a tree trunk and flying out to land on the ground around it, over and over.

If a person were to pick up a plank from the ground and walk off with it would not affect the replay. Logically, that time loop will always produce the planks over and over, so the planks that are spit out could conceivably just pile up, right. Kind of like a glitch in a minecraft server one year where a property boundary did something to the trees to where an owner couldn't break a log on the borderline but could mount an elephant to break a log of the tree that would snap back into place over and over but the logs still built up in that player's inventory, like an infinity source, which is always bad on an economy server because it's a cheat.

What if that could happen in real life. What if we could create a glitch situation where a time loop could produce something indefinitely and it actually worked to excess?

I know there is conservation of matter and energy, but what if there really isn't such a thing? If we are living in an electric universe, could there be a feedback mechanism where excess production amounted to overage on materials? I mean, I can see where this could backfire dreadfully, but if it were a controlled operation, it could be very useful.

I have a suspicion someone somewhere is keeping a secret about being able to really do this.

It's 3:15 now and I've gone ahead and made coffee, just as I did yesterday. I'll just keep gaming until it's time to go to appointment. I don't think I can go back to sleep at all, this is a bit miserable, so I may as well just stay busy being as distracted as possible.

Had a really excellent visit with my psychologist yesterday after my 2-year break from him. I've known him long enough he's practically family in my point of view, so I really enjoyed just checking in on him. He's amazingly still working after some monumental life challenges of his own, and he's still helping other people on top of it, which I utterly respect. I've found myself in my worst years that was the only way I could accept being alive in so much pain or misery. Being useful or helpful for others somehow allowed me to elevate away from the grind of constant self awareness that pain brings. Nothing else ever worked so well, except when I'm alone, the deeper thinking I can manage to go into, the less I have to feel pain or notice misery.

But tonight it's a bit hard to do that because the pain and nerve distraction is underneath my jaw all around the root of my tongue to the point where it feels like I've been roughly reinjured, and it's affecting the way I move my mouth and the pain is referring all up into my cheekbones and temples into what feels like a nasty sinus headahce but it's really pressure and inflammation in nerves and tiny muscles all over my face.

Ah, the coffee is done. Maybe I'll get back on game or something with my coffee. 

Timewarp shot, came back and inserted this.

Probably the most important way the invention of microwave ovens have impacted humanity is by getting regular people hooked on watching a countdown timer for a reward. This gaming I've been doing for the last year and a half is all about everything in the game being on separate countdown timers for production and manufacturing and collecting rent, and this week we've got added event quests on its own giant countdown.

Just as minecraft heightened my awareness to real life structures and nature around me as I'm driving and running errands, Elvenar has heightened my awareness of the digital matrix being run on millions of countdown clocks. Everything we do all day long is about waiting for the next scheduled event, be it work and school, our jobs and everything we do in them, vacations and other recreations, on down to bills being paid and food being cooked. Everything everywhere is time running backward to a zero point. Minecraft had a little of this with the furnaces refining blocks, but Elvenar has dialed it up to all-consuming levels.

I'm not a time oriented person. I'm not usually late anywhere but I seem to keep noticing patterns on clocks, like I just happened to notice 4:44 going by and I've been unconsciously waking up to certain times for years, but for the most part clocks are like mirrors to me. I barely look at either one no matter what I'm doing. The only reason I notice most of the time is because I pick up a phone with a lockscreen tossing giant numbers at me. It's uncanny how often I pick up my phone on very certain esoteric numbers.

I'll get back to this, gotta go.

*hours go by*

So this happened. 

Out of all the fellowships competing for top rank in the most rigorous event that world class game server has to offer, I was just praised for laying the groundwork strategy for a very winning team.

My secret- I say it's just a game, real life comes first, if you are stressing you need to walk away and take a break, don't assign jobs in case someone is in a car wreck or falls down stairs and winds up in ER for hours, praise the team for being self directed self motivated nice people who do their own homework looking ahead and communicating well to the group about strategies, and made lots of funny jokes. In short, I enjoyed the game and the people playing it with me for their own sakes.

THAT over several months of events created a very winning team. There was no game strategy, there was a PEOPLE strategy.

Imagine if everyone were like that about everything in life. This world would be a more joyful and very productive place. Imagine WE THE PEOPLE being in charge of our own local governments and being free to help rebuild more intuitive processes.

I am very experienced with surviving depression. I know how to manage a group of very stressed out people during covid lockdowns.

And basically, despite the very smart people in that old group I was in, that was basically a "You're the smartest person on this whole game" compliment. I created an atmosphere that felt like the kind of family holiday you dream of, glad to see each other, being silly under pressure, and total forgiveness for slipping up, which happens a lot during events like these. The last thing I ever want to instill in another person is self recrimination.

And now it's Saturday. 

So I actually got assessed out of physical therapy a day early, which was yesterday, and I'm on break now till next fall. My worst fibro flares happen through summer heat because temp change between being outside and coming back into AC affects every muscle in my body for some reason, has for many years. I wear sweaters in the house, but I cannot tolerate the inside of the house getting hot like outside. I don't know if it's partly from the accident or years of meds or what, but temp regulation is really hard on me. I just know I was never like this until that accident.

Anyway, have nearly full range of motion back in my neck, ear pain is nearly negligible and I'm able to function around my house again pretty well. Still rough sitting for gaming or reading too long and sleeping too hard still sets off tension headaches because I'm holding one position too long, but life in general is ever so much more joyful now than earlier in the year when I was dealing with daily migraines and vertigo from my jaw being locked up so hard. I still have a ways to go for more improvement, so hopefully my primary will refer me back in after the summer heat is over.

Back to the countdown timers. I have a number of threads on twitter thinking about time and how it is used as a control mechanism. Here are a few highlights from several threads. I'm not going to source them because they are easily searched via twitter's internal search engine and also because that would be useless if I lose this account and you can't see the source anyway.

Let's go a little deep now.

There is another long thread but I'm tired of the screencaps. Basically, I make the point that our entire planet is being degendered. It currently looks like regendering, but if you look back over time you can see that bees pollinate gendered plants and they started dying off. Grains all over the world are becoming GMO. Many fruits are now 'seedless', some like bananas are grafts from one original plant. It's not just humans being tinkered with.

A lot of 'wakening' accts are about the esotericism behind the political events and structures that have been shaping our world toward new world order for hundreds and even thousands of years. People are jumping on board like it's the latest thing since gravy flavored potato chips. I'm about to get really annoying.

You do not need to learn Kabbala/Rosicrucian/masonic/illuminati whatever math to 'wake up' and 'get it'. Yes, some very savant people, likely some of them autists, are putting this huge puzzle together about it, but follow what I'm about to say.

We naturally live out calculus every day without one shred of conscious thought about it. Our bodies and brains and all life in the whole ecosystem around us NATURALLY perform math functions continually without any of it needing to be consciously necessary.

The reason the esoteric math is so important is because THAT IS HOW THEY TRAPPED US AND LOCKED US INTO THIS DIGITAL MATRIX TOWARD NEW WORLD ORDER. Understanding what they did and how they are still doing it is vital, yes, but it's not necessary to actually living a good life. The same thing happened with words, very subtle word tricks being used over and over like sliding into our DMs and changing the way we think and behave without us even being aware of it.

Think this through. We are trained to love symmetry and chanting rhymes like in pop music. We are trained from very young ages through institutions around us to bond with and defend those institutions being 'orderly'. We are trained very subtly to associate certain styles of things around us with right and wrong without even discussing it. I've met people who are able to see how the digital matrix is binding the physical matrix through all our minds. Imagine realizing for the first time all your life that a certain angle is used in all professional artwork over the last several hundred years. Imagine being able to see this applied to all major cities and shipping centers all over the world on maps. Imagine everywhere you look you see the pattern repeated and repeated and no one else sees it. I met a person who was able to show me these things and it was stunning. I met another person who gets how that is used in wording and it opened my mind like nothing else has. I'm still not very good at it because I never studied, but I know a great about many other things and I can affirm how these patternings have been locking all of us into very layered depths of compliance most of us can't even begin to imagine.

Human brains love patterns. We excel at noticing our natural world doing things on all kinds of little schedules. But something or someone came along and captured this operation into a fake copy of 'natural rhythm'. Humans lived a very long time without clocks and work schedules. Humans did many cool things without legalism defining what is allowable and what is not. Humans as a wild species are very capable of surviving in groups without bigger groups telling them what to do.

Most of humanity is no longer 'wild'. We are owned and manipulated all our lives, mostly into compliance to whatever is directing all this. We even self perpetuate the process automatically, replacing natural intuition with patterned responses to every situation. We assume what we are born into is natural, it's not. Most of us wouldn't have a clue how to survive off grid even for a day if we had to. We can't imagine saving ourselves from a world gone mad.

I'm going to stop here, it's late and I'm tired. I have so much more to say but it's scattered on medias and lately it's been very difficult remembering things because thoughts fall out of my head so immediately. I don't know if it's the pain levels I've been going through last 8 weeks, but it's getting ridiculous and I need to pull back and take a big break from socials.

I still love you guys, and I'm still here. You can always find me somewhere, and when you do, know that I know and I'm hugging you in my head.

💖

Possibly relevant. You decide.