a leaf blowing by: C+

I wrote this on 7/15/22 and walked off before I was finished.

In the last week I've gotten calls from 5 different states that didn't leave voice mails and an unidentified text from another state that only said hello. I guess I must be getting on more nerves than usual. Over the last 3 years nearly all of the numbers that left voice mail or I stupidly answered claimed to be publishers who shouldn't have been able to access me at all, but none of these lately left voice mails. Funny, after the hello text I began wondering if it might match a number I deleted off my phone after many years of letting it sit, but ironically cannot find it online any more even though that person openly put their number out everywhere on the net. I would have to pay just to access it now. So now I'm wondering what happened for THAT to happen.
The only negative response I've gotten to something I tweeted today didn't tag me but liked what they were responding to so it was easy to find the timestamp response.
Gonna say this.
With all the twisted babylonian mush going on in the media and especially on twitter, with all my years of millions of transparency words out in the open all over the internet, after all the friends who'd left me by the wayside for sticking to truth-seeking and logic and simply being my fully diagnosed self for public when I feel like it, with so many accounts hiding behind avatars full of mockery and judgment, I'm finding it a bit hilariously Freudian that I wasn't even tagged.
I'm not afraid of words. Anyone can say anything to me at any time about how utterly stupid and ugly and fail I am and I will never quail. Anyone can point at me, blame me, throw me into whatever pile of crap they feel like, and I will not even blink. Feel free to tag me. Just say it. Or am I that scary that you're afraid I'll make you famous?
I'm not out here in public for accolades. I'm not trying to make money or be someone. I'm certainly not the sort to take myself very seriously.
I am here to show others that's it's ok to come out of hiding. I have survived crushing depression, several addictions, a lifetime of diagnosed cognitive challenges, and thoughts of suicide.
I'm out there because God wants me out here. Point blank. I do what I do because that is what I was born for.
If the publishers are real, then a whole list of them want me as a client and have been bugging me for years. Almost nobody else ever gets my number. If they are fake, then whatever reason they are bugging me every time I say something in particular must mean what I'm saying is a big deal. I've had 3 rigorous stats classes in 3 different fields of study, and the odds of so many people trying to get hold of me by name isn't an accident or coincidence. So whatever I say, it's enough for people to offer me money, even if they are fake. By all means, call me something lame and blow me off. The fact that you're actually seeing my twitter feed means you want to see it because I'm so rarely retweeted or even talked to on twitter any more plus all the silly shadowbanning,

I don't remember if I was going to write anything else.

There are people (and bots and surveillance) who have responded instantly anywhere I throw a link out even though they don't follow me, and I know this because several times across the years I have trimmed my medias way down vetting every single follower, or put the links in really out of the way places where almost no one cruises through, or cross linked in ways that I could see the double drive and watch that come in on triangulated trackers that show IPs and was able to verify very specifically the locations, and then once even nailed one person down to showing up as a stalker in my source code on FB, hitting my entire family even though he followed none of us. I told an acquaintance of ours and it stopped.

Anyway, I'm too lazy to watch trackers anymore, too miserly to waste the money paying for services anymore, too bored to care.

But yeah, when I do perk up and pay attention, I see stuff.

I don't know why this happens and I'm not going to guess.