Me, hours after taking prednisone for anaphylactic reaction. (Dissociated on spiking blood sugar because diabetic.)
That's right, big control problem.
On the side, finally got my new phone today. It's a beautiful metallic pink with chic white flower motif case with pink details and a clear pink sheen. I jumped from a Galaxy 6 to a 22 and my phones are currently yapping away to each other, moving #allthestuff.
We have an agreement to agree, more or less, to hand off, not wig out and disappear, to at least get into a stable atmosphere doing something stable. More or less. Tonight was intensely difficult, best we could do was let it boil over into one of us obsessing like a psycho and the others going through facepalms, wringing of hands, quails of embarrassment, and swears to just wipe everything and disappear off the webs.
I, the voice of reason, the cat who walks by himself and all places are alike to me, waited patiently. Once it burned itself down, another misfit tried slipping into game which was almost abysmal because that one doesn't game and just wanted to make it all stop and alla sudden there were shouts of ohbloodyhell she's going to start shredding builds and rearrange the city, at which point I took the laptop away, logged off the game, checked on the phones transferring all the stuff, and diverted to the most stable standby we have, and that is pinky blog. Years of pinky blog have gotten us through the craziest days and here we are.
If you aren't a dissociated person and don't personally know anyone who is, it gets like this once in awhile, especially with meds messing us up, sorta feels a bit crazy but it's really a sudden terribly unsynched all hands on deck kind of thing. The closest I can describe is maybe not being that in control during an alcohol or drug binge and watching yourself in horror, unable to stop what feels like excruciating stupidity.
The others think I'm being a bit cruel but I wasn't the one threatening to destroy everything we made together, was I? No reason to go into a panic, just get all settled again while I type words. We're fine. Aside from a blood sugar headache and feeling mentally disjointed, we're fine. We just need to space out and float on ignoring the world right now.
Scott is munching out on corn pops beside me while he watches Jack Ryan, oblivious to the sugar calling to me like an addict. Diabetic on pred is like being an alcoholic staring at the listerene bottle or a smoker staring at the ash tray thinking there's some left on those butts. I've been there. Controlling diabetes without meds is rough sometimes. The cravings can be pretty insane. Scott is on meds for his, eats what he wants, has a higher A1C than I do (mine is practically normal), and it doesn't phase him. He doesn't get headaches or nausea, doesn't get big and fat, is aging normally, very healthy for his age. Oblivious to me pointedly ignoring what I can't have without making myself very sick.
I think we're past the worst of it. I've been through this many times, just stick to a little bit of cheese and deli turkey with a green onion and a few olives and nothing gets worse. Stick to super low carb till the little crisis is over.
I'm never touching french fries in the car again. I didn't even eat any, I know better. Anything fast food is likely cross contaminated with allergens, so I just don't even try. But today I was trying to be helpful in traffic, handing out food to a person too impatient to just sit somewhere and eat for a couple of minutes, and without even thinking rubbed my nose with greasy fry fingers and then took awhile to notice that I kept rubbing my nose because it was itching or tickling so much for some reason, and by the time I finally looked in the little mirror my nose was already completely red and puffy and my cheecks looked slapped or sunburned. I carry benadryl and prednisone all the time, thank goodness it didn't take much to make it stop. About two hours later I was back to normal, but the pred will be in my system awhile.
If that had been something I'd been eating I might possibly still be in the hospital right now. I've been through some pretty ridiculous reactions and loads of meds.
I have this rule that I've followed for years to just never touch my face while I'm out of the house. Never, for any reason. I slipped up today.
On a happy note, the pred very nicely calmed a fibro flare down.
Are we bored enough to stop yet? I'm bored. I think I'm going to try to get back on game now.
That vid up there was the first thing that popped into my head when I realized what was going on. All my mes in a situation.
I daresay there are a number of people in this world who haven't yet met all their mes and have no clue they exist. They just hide being weird so people won't know they're crazy, or they act out and blow it off because inside they can't explain it. I think we are way more numerous than the world realizes. This is how people survive trauma. Brains are practically made to break because it makes people so easy to control. The uncontrollable are blown off as crazy and put on meds. People just need to stop breaking each other.
💜
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